So i sat down today after lunch and dailed my voice mail
......." you have seven new messages"
......." you have seven new messages"
Five was from HIM and the rest from my friend. Why am i doing this was what i asked my self.........
I immediately took a sheet of paper and wrote down the names of guys that I have dated (not that much oh) or just tagged along not telling them what the deal is.
Beside their names, i had my pros and cons about them. After going down the list, it hit me.
No matter how much i try to console my self and say i am not looking for a Perfect guy. deep down I am. Some i had some silly reasons why we not together, some i had reasons that even in another life, i would never come to a compromise with and some i couldn't even understand WHY.
Because of this unconscious judgement , i try not to get close to Him, so i dont add him to the list.
I have this fear of the unknown, my unknown decision, because i know me, Once i make that decision, its final.
He doesn't get it, he thinks i am just playing hard to get, but the truth is i am protecting him, protecting another heart from being broken.
I got tired of lying "Oh am sorry i didnt get your call"
So i constantly put my phone on vibrate so i dont have to lie.
If i feel it then maybe i pick up ,
And if i dont, truely I didnt get your call.
Typing this, makes me sound like one stock up B, but really i think i am nice, but I feel a missed call is better than an annoying conversation.
At first i tried to cover it up by saying" I HATE THE SOUND OF MY RING TONE"
but guess what, you can only lie to another person, but not your self.
So my first step to this new Me, is turning my phone off vibrate, and trying to find the Good thing in Him, and let the bad work out with time.
Beside their names, i had my pros and cons about them. After going down the list, it hit me.
No matter how much i try to console my self and say i am not looking for a Perfect guy. deep down I am. Some i had some silly reasons why we not together, some i had reasons that even in another life, i would never come to a compromise with and some i couldn't even understand WHY.
Because of this unconscious judgement , i try not to get close to Him, so i dont add him to the list.
I have this fear of the unknown, my unknown decision, because i know me, Once i make that decision, its final.
He doesn't get it, he thinks i am just playing hard to get, but the truth is i am protecting him, protecting another heart from being broken.
I got tired of lying "Oh am sorry i didnt get your call"
So i constantly put my phone on vibrate so i dont have to lie.
If i feel it then maybe i pick up ,
And if i dont, truely I didnt get your call.
Typing this, makes me sound like one stock up B, but really i think i am nice, but I feel a missed call is better than an annoying conversation.
At first i tried to cover it up by saying" I HATE THE SOUND OF MY RING TONE"
but guess what, you can only lie to another person, but not your self.
So my first step to this new Me, is turning my phone off vibrate, and trying to find the Good thing in Him, and let the bad work out with time.
8 comments:
thats the way to go girl
nothing ventured, nothing gained.
take the risk joh!
feeling you so much on this one...so much i wanna say as a comment but it will end up being a long blog..but i will only say that there is 'NO' perfect person..im a testament to the 'quest to find the perfect one'..and in my journeys i finally came to realise that there isnt an 'all in one' package..NOWHERE!
If only they'll understand and see from your point of view.. i'll advise(against sherri's) think well before you take the risk..if it doesnt work, it will be another lesson learnt...but how many lessons do you need to learn?
@pink-satin: thanks for stopping bye again
@ sherri: risk is what i fear, i knw we need to in life, but gosh its hard for me...
@enigma: permission granted to blog on my comment page lol
i guess i finally realized that. really i have always said that, but unconsiously i guess i didnt really agree with it until now. there is just something about the idea in your head and what you get ???
totally agree with "how many lessons do we need to learn" I cant stand being MIA and not having as much as a reason to the person. i feel that alone hurts.
Well enigma is right, think beofre you take the risk, but you never know what the worth is till u try and if u feel its worth it, then go for it.
You can work somn out
@naijababe: thanks hon.. wanna take a risk, but scared to leanr just another lesson...
Sad indeed if this was inspired by a true life story..I really think its always best to keep your options open rather than have your judgement beclouded by some wants which may not necessarily be what would bring you happiness...
Yep true life again lol.... i would say i have changed from June till date lol @ least i dont ignore calls!! n my phone's off vibrate lol . and really they weren't wants per say they where more like little things like believing in sthing, not saying God
(hopefully it is lol) but something. be focused and blah blah. i think really those are some important things i really cant compromise with ...like you said, the whole purpose is to be HAppy : ) thanx for your comments means a lot!!!
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