Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy new year !!!

2007 is finally over.
As I look back at the months gone by,
As a new one start, i ask my self,
"What brought me joy?"
Recalling
"all the happy times"
Remembering
"How they enriched my life n my loved ones"
I sit here reflecting upon those who really count,
On those who i am greatfull for being one, just one of my reasons l'll have a happy new year.
With this, my wish for you is that you have your best year yet,
A peaceful one, full of joy, favor and mercy.
This new year, shall be one you cherish ..why?
Because:
it shall be full of bright expectations
it shall be a year of new beginnings
it shall be a year of joy
it shall be a year all heart desires granted.
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!








Sunday, December 30, 2007

Shouldn't I have a baby to be a mother?

Growing up as the first daughter in my family, i never understood what my parents meant by i was a mother figure in the house until a year ago.
in a family of 5 children, i am the first girl, but 2nd born. I have an older brother and a baby brother and we girls happen to be in the middle of the two most handsome, caring and respectful young men around.
All along i was said to be my dad's favorite hence a whole lot of clashes with my siblings and even my mum. trust me its worse than what eva love you getting from a dad. Some tymes i pray he loves me less and maybe, just maybe i can be like the rest or really they would see me like one of them. Last year Christmas break was the worse. It got so bad i got my things packed and was really ready to leave the house. (where was i going?
after talking to my Fav youth pastor and friend, he made me realise things, and see things differently i guess more like from my siblings point of view. either way, i was still going to have to compromise, calm down and take punches with out complaining. This was hard i would not lie, but i was also willing to give it try. I was willing to see if this would work. I was praying it would.
Every year, on the 27th of December(parents wedding anniversary) , we all come together and talk about each other over the year, good, the bad and the ugly.(trust me it gets ugly sometimes ) So that year was not any different. I was the central of attention (thats what i thot) things my siblings where saying weren't things i wished for, not like it was soo bad, but i thot i was the most understanding, easy to get along with person around, but they said otherwise. I listened and tried so hard to hold back that drop of tear in my eye. Finally they all spoke and my dad being the one that ends the whole talk, went ahead to say well you all have heard what everyone said, Paradigm, you are the first daughter, you are to be like their mother but you not. You aren't acting like one. You get angry with them blah blah. Gosh i felt bad, i felt bad not because of what he or they said, but because i kinda disagree. I felt i was understanding, i felt i gave them a chance, i felt i was caring about their feelings. BUT to my understanding, i was the only one feeling this way.
With this, i really prayed and tried to work on my self. I tried to be 80% more approachable. I tried not to let things they do get me mad, i tried to talk more, wanna know more, and tried to fix their problems between one another other than playing safe being on my own.
It was not easy, but i found out i was enjoying this after it was working . I found out i was actually having a relationship with everyone, i found out i was fixing relationships with one another. "was i beginning to act like the mother i was to be? "i was dying to know i was hoping i was doing what was right. I was hoping it was because i was enjoying it. this had to be right, it felt good.
I guess i would find out on the 27th of this year i thot.
Finally it came. was i ready?No, why? i was scared of the unknown.
My mum started off this year, she went on about everyone, i most say it started out nice unlike last year. we all had something positive i was happy i was excited, even me!!!!. then it was my baby's turn(my lil brother he wud kill me he is 17 now gosh they grown fast ) , gosh have we grown so much together, have we shared a lot of secrets and passions. i found out we where so similar in the scenes that he needs to be pushed to talk. I didn't mind that because i know that's who i am but no one else saw that . It was also nice making them understand each other. through last year to now, it seemed that we all put an extra 99% effort. it felt great , it looked amazing seeing no one chopped with negative criticism. it was amazing.
Now i guess i know what they have been talking about.....

Friday, December 28, 2007

25th December

Christmas day !!!!! yeeeee!!!! Lol aiight I woke up with a kiss on the check from my lil sister yelling Merry Christmas LOVE !!!! I sure had a big smile on my face but she was pushing it with the kisses and all lol .so I got up, went to wash my face and all and went upstairs to wish my folks a merry Christmas. We all came down stairs and exchanged gifts.... After that, we all went out side to the balcony. OMG the weather was beautiful !!!! as in yes it was sunny just right enough sun light and the wind was sooo chill so the constant combination of the sun and the wind was amazing. From where we where sitting, you can see the fog all the way over the mountains in front of us. The contrast of this fog and the trees was amazing; it sure brought out the strong intensity of the color green. Gosh I wish I had my paint brush and canvas here to paint nature at its fullest. Green would be prominent in this piece. Green with a hint of purple and brown. The mountains where all covered with grass, trees. There where also path going all the way up the mountain, this shows that people actually walked all the way up there or something trust me I didn’t even wanna know how and why. I love adventures, but not that kind of one coz can someone pls tell me how in the world am going to get back down? I guess I have finally accepted the fact that I am scared of height. The ride yesterday finally made me accept this fact. So that is a no no.

Dinner: finally I made it out today for dinner, and it was pretty nice. After dinner we all went out side, to a burn fire / cultural dance. The weather was nice, cool breeze and the fire just gave one the right amount of warmth you needed. The dancers where OK , really just ok. It was amazing thou, to see this old women actually doing their thing. Driving back to my room, I could not wait until I got back to the balcony where I felt so whole where I felt so inspired, inspired to do a whole lot, inspired to do the unthinkable. Getting outside, I couldn't see much, why? Coz of the fog. It was as thick as ever I could only see past the vision I get with out my glasses. I love the curiosity I got from this because I was wondering what was behind this thick fog. Behind my head I knew what was there, coz I still have a sketch right in front of me of what was meant to be in that blurry scene.
Happy Holidays to you all !!!!!

Family Vacation @ Ogudu

At first I was skeptical about this trip, maybe it's the fact that I just arrived a day ago they saying we have to take a road trip down there for 7HRS !!!! Come on I just got off the longest trip ever down here and now you want me to sit in the car for 7 hrs??? Knowing my family, I know we going to stop on and on on the road coz my dad would keep buying fruits, site seeing and all. Anyways how did this come up?
Ok my mum planned a get away trip for my dad and her on his birthday, and they said it was unbelievable and that it was worth us seeing aiight I would agree, I saw pictures and I was like wow this is beautiful as in Nature @ its fullest so we all agreed to spend our Christmas holiday there. With the other option being our village, trust me we all jumped on it was the greatest thing in the world.
Like I predicted, we had over 8 stops and I am not joking as in very unnecessary ones as a matter of fact. I got so fed up and tired at the same time. It was taking forever for us to get to this “ spot” that we all looking fwd to go to.
Finally we get to the gate and we had a choice to either drive in the car through the so called “ snake road” or take a cable car ride up the mountain. I would lie I didn’t really trust that ride so I was so after the driving the car with the drivers, but my dad insisted we all experienced it.
We got on the ride and most I say, all of a sudden I forgot the fact that I think I have a fear for height. I made the mistake of looking down and I could just see my would life falling DOWN it seem never ending as in I could imaging something falling down and never getting to the end that’s how it was but of all things, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. OMG God is really good as in it was an incredible view I would wanna miss in life gosh anyone that says God isn’t real is really in denial coz come o how else can you explain that? We could look down at the road and was I thankful I was not in the car… it seem like you would drive down the mountain.
The trees where deep green no light green naa really, it was all shades of green it was thick and fresh.
The sky was amazing. It was so blue yet so white I could see through it was just beautiful. So from the ride, I was already satisfied as In I was like even If this place has nothing else to offer, the view, was satisfying. The view justified my time in the car. The view was all I needed for this trip to make me have a good time; the view was all I needed to have a wonderful vacation with my family.

So we finally get to our House, (@ the mountain Villa) I promise you, it was HOT !!! as in it looked so much like a beach house the architecture was simple yet so functional. YESSS I had to bring Architecture into this my lil sis was tired of me coz I was looking around and realized it was a pre-fab structure. Did it work for them? Hell yes it was so sophisticated, as in it was very classy. the wood was simply beautiful. I love the way they used light as an important aspect of the building as in there was glass doors leading to the Balcony from the living room and 2 of the bedrooms. It was meant to be a place to appreciate nature, and in every way you look at, it was there. The view from the Balcony was Amazing... we had like the best view i wish i could take it where ever i go. and did I talk about the weather oh it was priceless. Not the typical sunny hot weather in Abuja or Lagos, it had this nice cool breeze constantly blowing and just right that just a scarf or a sweater would do just fine.
The furniture in the house is nice; the finishing on them gave this smooth feel. Yes I actually went around and looked at everything. Really all that was missing was the heavy snow out side and a fireplace. I could see a movie scene or something in here.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

23rd: the funniest and longest day

Aiight we get to Frankfurt and we waiting to board the next Flight HOME!!!! yeeee!!!! (little did i know)
So my sis and I where seated, waiting to board since we had about 4 hr transit, and we kept seeing different, size, shape, color and fashion disaster men walking towards our gate. African i most add. Ok it was a flight to Lagos and Accra, what where we expecting??? Finally, a tall , dark skin Fyne i most add brother walk by and winks at my sister and I, finally he saved the rest of the men in the gate coz my sis and I failed to believe there wasnt going to be at least ONE , just ONE nice looking African guy that can actually dress. ok when i say dress, theY get it mixed up, i am not saying the amount of "PHAT FARM, NIKE, SEAN JOHN, what else did they bastardize God??? yeah how can i for get.."ECKO, BUBRREY, COUCH" YOU WEAR, BUT HOW YOU MAKE IT WORK. god the NEXT TYME I SEE A GROWN ASS MAN WEARING A TEE SHIRT or even worse, a pair of jeans or throw backs, WITH ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko echo, written all over it, I would actually step to him and ask WHY???? and if he had the nerve, the courage to wear a matching top or bottom with it, i would just walk by and smile, coz thats some nerve.
anyways we about to board and i am literally praying i am in a roll alone with my sister and did God ans my prayer or not???? YEP
getting to my sit was like an obstacle set out to either delay me, or frustrate me, not too sure which one yet.
So we finally got to my sit and trying so hard to prepare my self mentally for the trip. Sited down, all settled, got my ipod out, coz I was ready to zone out of the environment I was in right about now. Finally the plan takes off after over an hour delay and here it goes the funniest, most annoying, aggravating, plan trip I have ever taken.
30min into the flight two guys seating right in front of my sister an I didn’t see anything wrong in turning a whole 360 and constantly stering at us. Ok this was really freaking me out I had that fake smile on like “ yes can I help you”, but no all they did was continue steering with this big ass smile on. Next thing we see, flash, flash, flash, “are you kidden me? Am I that stupid? They were acting like they taking a picture of them selves, but making in so obvious that they also trying so had not to block my sis and I out of it. No1 I was mad, why? Trust me I wasn’t ready for no pictures, No2, they tried to play smart come on I am not that STUPID. No3. I DON’T KNOW YOU !!!.
Right after that unwanted “photo shot lol”I took my blanket and covered my face I must say music was not taking me where I want to be coz they where out talking the music 100%. 10min, and yep I was finally there. I was listening to some Etta Jones, -At last- and I am so relating this song I donno how to how I felt, at last I am out of this world of loud ass African men. Yelling and talking like they in a sport bar or something. ********** All of a sudden I was out of this wonderful world I created. How???... This rude ass guy, I think he was from Ghana or so, had the never, oooooohh the nerve to pull my blanket off my face and took it further by talking
Man:“ Hey baby, beautiful Africa queen, what’s your name”?
Me: “ are you kidden me? I am sleeping
Man: Yes I know but I have been looking @ you and I choose to talk to you now
(Man drunk as u know what yelling and been hailed for pulling this annoying stunt with me.
Me: Excuse me pls can u not touch me again.
Man; I would if you give me your name.
Me: putting my blanket back on, I press the call button to get the flight attendant.
Flight attendant: yes please how may I help you?
Me: can you please have this man leave me alone?
FA: excuse me sir but you are going to have to get back to your sit.
Man: laughing and yelling like a man drunk….” Tell her al I want is her name and I would leave”
FA: excuse me sir please get back to your sit.
Man: ok I would come back when u wake up …

Ok I could not believe this guy, as income one how rude can you be? He had the nerve to pull my blanket off my head like really who dose that. I was so in shock like I was dreaming I know SOME African men well lets don’t go there MEN ca e rude but dam that’s the height of it. Well for the rest of the flight, I had my blanket over my head.
Right when they came with the Duty free, lol this guy called on one of the attendant and said he wanted to buy cigarettes aiight I was still under my blanket and I could see through so I was kind of eve’s dropping so she asked which brand, and he old her next thing I wasn’t expecting to hear at all, he then asked her “ HELLO CAN I GT HALF OF THAT ?” Yessss he actually wanted her to open it up and sell him half of the box…. Really who does that? I could not control my self and I was cracking up under the blanket and little did I know my sister was doing the same. .. That’s was mad funny at least that was a little comic relive lol
Anyways, after the whole drama and constant noise and talking like really I felt I was at a bar downtown somewhere and there is a mad soccer game going on, i was glad to be in Lagos

cont.

22nd :
ok we where finally booked on a flight on the 21st .
i guess they say you learn from your mistakes. i could not afford to miss this flight like i did the first. So i was at the airport, checked in over 4 hrs b4 my flight .
So we finally boarded the plan and the journey began............. 3 hrs into the trip, the worse kinda turbulence i have ever witnessed. -It might not be that bad ok but for real i prayed all kinda prayers, at first i started with the normal you know Blood of Jesus and having a safe trip and all but God forgive me, when it got so bad, and the lady sitting behind me was asking her mum if we where going to CRASH!!!!(who says that out loud come on) My prayers changed to prayer of forgiveness... ( i could not believe it either, come on i hope it was not my tyme and even thou , GOD pls not that way but i was so freaked out my faith was absent ) My sis was all eyes closed and i was hoping and failed to believe she was sleeping( sleep i know she loves but not in this situation)
Finally we where stable and i could not even sleep, blink or even get up , all i was hoping to hear was " cabin crew, please prepare for landing"

The trip: 23rd december

Aiight i have so much to write i donno where to start from. I have been holding this back for about a whole week now. i donno what to call this blog but i know b4 i am done, i would figure it out.
***
I figured out i start from the end.
23rd December: Finally made it home, home i mean Abuja, i am sorry but even thou i was in Lagos, i couldn't just accept the fact that i was home. I know you all would say i am over reacting but i am sorry i can never get used to the lagos life. Took the first flight into abuja this morning coz i could not make the last flight last night due to the "very fast" indeed baggage service. anyways i was happy i was in ABUJA you can see the relive on my face, as in i could actually walk and talk and not be scared of my surrounding i donno how, but of all the 7 days, this was the best knowing i was on my way to Abuja . Ok was going to fly from lagos to abuja and they telling me i am entitled to one Luggage and it has to be 20 kg or sthing like that. I HAD 6 BOXES !!!THEY WHERE ALL OVER WEIGHT !!! EVEN MY HAND LUGGAGE WAS . so where should i start from. Ok i got to the front desk and had this big smile on my face "GOD GRANT ME FAVOR" was in my mind and also"gosh how bad, you trying to find a easy way out, more like bribing this guy and you praying"was in my head. Anyways like every typical "GUY" he feel for the smile. after weighing our bags and all he said we had 240kg and we a allowed 40kg only. lol i laughed and laughed coz thats not just more than half thats like times 5 . so he did it one way sha and he declared that we had 90kg (how he did it, i dont care all i knew was that i paid way less than i was to. Aiight after doing this, i was feeling so good and you know thinking wow i saved a whole lot and immediately my paranoid self came in " what if its a full flight and they have a lot of bags??? what if its more than the capacity the plan can carry???" as u can see my sister was fed up with me and these thoughts and she was like dam do you have to think that far? HELL YES I DO !! well we sat down waiting on our flight and was literally trying to survey the amount of people on the flight.(what where we going to do ? stop them??) lol Long story short sha it was a very empty flight and i felt so much better.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

-The Question To Him-

Hey guys, everyday i ask this question about Insecurity. I most say its a total turn off but its sad that i have and am dealing with it in every relationship i have been in. Yes Yes i know what you going to say, maybe its you( as in mi lol) .... Ok how is it me? Yes i have friends, yes my friends are a big part of my life (trust me i do draw the line) Yes I get hit on too like every girl , BUT I AM WITH YOU !!!! YOU.... not them . Dont you think that's a sign? Don't you think that counts for something? Of all my years on this earth just one person , just one said i was intimidating so that doesn't count, so i don't think its coz i am . So my big question, is why? Why Insecurity? Why do i have to deal with that?Why are you using the greatest weapon against me?

****

Insecurity??
What is it about this word that erks every nerve in me?
Is it ...
The constant fight that lay deep inside of you. Tossing and turning with emotions?
Is it your past hunting you?
Or is it Just me?
Calm i beg you to be,
Trust you clam you have for me
Love you declare everyday,
but trust I fail to feel
Is it just your insecurity eating you up or am I IT?
I beg you, try not to lose me
Your insecurity is taking its toll on me.
I try each day to hold on but
The trust, love n care begins to fade, or should i say pushed away
Pushed away because of the constant question i ask, WHY?
Break down these walls of stone because if your heart cant deal with it ,
your insecurity would push me away . ...




-sleep typing -

I have been up for three day now. Can literally count the amount of hours of sleep i have had since Sunday. Thats the horror of my Major.
ok I LOVE, LOVE, BREATH, LIVE, and did i say LOVE Architecture, but come on there's gotta be an easy way out.
Maybe its the fun we all have in the studio all hours in the night,
Maybe its the constant competition of trying to be the best
Maybe its the zeal to want to be unique n have your own style,
Maybe its knowing i work way much better under pressure.
Maybe its just Architecture.
But with all these sleepless nights, and countless money you give in, the satisfaction of seeing your design is priceless.
I am literally sleeping off in my little space here in the studio and i really want to walk out that door, go home and sleep,................zzzzzzzzz.......... but i cant i feel there is a glass wall all around this building.
I cant because i feel i have no tyme.
I cant because all i think about is on this table
I cant because all i dream about now is my design
i cant because i cant control the rush.
.................................................................................

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Porcelain


Alright today i had the best set out of the Kiln. I was planning on making a dish set for two since my sis and I leave together, but i had one as a test piece n they all came out perfect so i guess theres room for one more lol. Dinner tyme !!!
-porcelain-
was great working with it compared to the regular 380 clay. but didn't like the fact that it dried really fast . Was a fun experience. I actually made 2 different size bowls with it and 3 (hot salsa,mild salsa and guacamole) mini bowls lol those are yet to come out of the kiln. More pictures when i get to them.


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Life of an art lover !!!


Art plays a key role in everything I do and everything that I am today.
From the house I live in and hope to design many in future (Architecture)
To the movies I love to watch (theatre),
To the books I try to read (literature)
and the sounds I cant live without (music) .
***
Painting is a form of art that’s most relaxing and rewarding.
I value all styles and mediums but I am found of abstract painting.
I paint because art is the one thing that I’ve found that expresses how I feel in a way that only I can understand the true meaning of it.
I paint not only because it relaxes me,
I paint because it give me another creative outlet,
I paint because I love colors,
I paint because I have ideas,
ideas with shapes and colors together .
I paint to express my emotions.
I paint when I am at a peak of happiness,
I paint when I am tense;
I paint when I am excited and I can not explain why .
I paint to have a true meaning of this feeling.
It is a loving experience to me.
***
Pottery is also one of my hobbies,
I love the way it test my ability to have balance,
I like the fact that each piece yields to my touch
I like the constant judgment between form and feel.
I like the feeling I get when I slice through the piece,
because in my head I know what I am creating.
The fact that I know that this piece can be a good one or bad just by my feel gives me a scene of ownership.
The most important part of pottery that I like is the fact that my feeling at that moment is portrayed in my piece.
When I am happy I make everything curvy and smooth
and when I am sad or even just bored,
I make them angular and rough finishing.
Most importantly, I like the fact that the clay firms and molds according to my will.
***
I love to travel because I get to see the beauty other parts of the world have to offer.
Also I like the diverse style of culture I get to experience with an exposure to how people act and reason.
Traveling is something I have been privileged to do ever since I was little and love it till now.
The most important thing about traveling that get me excited is my imagination during the journey.
This time I get to imagine what I think the place would look like and why I think that way. Getting to my destination I love the feeling I get when my curiosity is satisfied.
Another part of traveling I like is going around to experience the art the place has to offer. Since art is an important part of my life,
I get excited fulfilling this urge I get when ever I am at somewhere new.
***
Music is something I feel I cannot live with out.
Music is what I listen to everyday from when I wake up to when I fall asleep.
I like all kind of music. I like the way someone that knows me well can tell how I am feeling from the kind of music I am listening to.
Of all the genre of music I like, I love Soul the most.
Basically I like music that has meaning to me,
music that has soul,
music that has live.
Music helps me relax in what ever I want to do.
I also use music as a calming medium when ever I am angry or when ever I am down.
I love music also because it inspires me whenever I need it.

Abstract

Its about a week n 5 day away from my big day and a week and 3days away from my presentation( Architecture ) and boy is it hard to concentrate on that. I am working on the first half of my thesis( am i excited or what ?) I love love love it because i have a chance to do what i love the most. Ok I am designing a "Creativity Art Center" in Baltimore, which would incorporate: Painting, Music, Ceramics, Poetry and traveling (very selfish i would say) but naa really i carried out a survey and the only part in which i cheated was there was a tie between music and dance n you all know i had to pick Music. Why: i simply love music lol naa really thats part of it and also the fact that i wanted something i was interested in all around so as to be able to relate to it in every way and also never get bored of it. So thats how i ended up with the 5 aspect of art in which i wanted in this center.

Creativity?
Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing,
taking risks, breaking rules, making
mistakes, and having fun."
- Mary Lou Cook-

The reason I chose this topic apart from the fact that i love n breath art is i realized that there's a thin line btw being creative and being imaginative. Creativity is the act of turning one's imaginative ideas into reality. An idea with no acting makes one imaginative but not creative. Hence my proposed center is a place to empower non-artist and artist to develop their vision, identify their message and also create and expand their audience. Its simply going to be a home where creativity is allowed to reign and all ideas are welcome.
---wow thats my abstract right there. you see it helps to write lol ---
would keep you posted on how its going .

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

L-O-V-E


Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
- Stephen Packer -

Now look what you have done...
A stranger you where once
Then with a gentle look you took my hands.
I let go of my freedom,
All to be locked up in your captivity.
I truely understand and think i have to accept ,
The fact that this could be LOVE ...
-Paradigm-

"The real thing"-Jill Scott


I am a sucker for good music. To me, good music is one I can listen to all day n still have that excitement in my voice singing along, or just enjoying it.
“The real Thing”-Jill Scott
For those of you that love this lady most agree that she sure did her thing with this album like she always does. I heard the first single “hate on me” n to be 4 real I wasn’t feeling it like I normally do to her songs so I went ahead n got the cd just to make sure she wasn’t going to disappoint me this tyme.
Gosh I hate the fact that I underestimated her. During my drive from the store to my house, I couldn’t go pass three songs. I kept going back trying to listen to every word, sentence and meaning of the song. Let it be, the real thing, and hate on me. Gets you all excited n expectant of what’s yet to come.
Epiphany was one that made me think I was listening to someone else aiight the beat is on point after the calm beats coming from crown royal, she completely blows you with this 2min 33sec piece that keeps you hoping for more. The passion in her voice makes you imagine what exactly she is talking about. You all Jill Scott lovers knows she is big on love, love making n romance. This song definitely was not different. She defiantly makes you feel this sudden insight on what she is singing about.
My love? Perfect placing, right after epiphany.
Insomnia..” why is she always begging for love” – a friend said after I forced her to listen to the cd. Ok really Insomnia was a perfect example, but come on she did that song justice. Her voice makes you feel like its you thinking in your head.
Celibacy Blues!!!! I LOVE JAZZ n that the first thing that came to my mind when I heard this one was Jazz n blues!!!!!. Sounded like one of her poem. (ok if you have not read her poems you need to buy that book ”the moment the minute and the hour” …HOT!!!! Deep!!!!)
All I???? this was defiantly the icing on the cake. The song is so sexual yet sophisticated. She starts off with this questions that puts you in the setting of what’s she’s singing about. She explains her feeling, her thots , her location and her wants all at the same thyme….
Wanna be loved n Breath really takes it home.
Music !!! really what wud i do without good music? iight if i had to write what i really felt about the whole album i guess thats what my whole blog would be about cause its so deep and meaningful, its hard to minimize your explanation...

Monday, December 3, 2007

My Count down !!!!

Ok its been almost a year since I have last been home( Nigeria) and gosh am I looking fwd to my trip.
I have exactly two weeks from today, a week n four days away from my big presentation!!! (Excited about that also) to be HOME!!!
For some wired reasons, my sister n I chose to go through Germany instead if london like we normally do. And so far i see it as my LAST tyme. After constant procrastination, I finally called in n made an appointment for the visa interview. Now tell me, why did I accept an eight am appointment all the way in DC on a monday morning???? I knew well enough I wasn't going to drive in that traffic, coz my sis would be sleeping and i just dont do traffic. So we decided to take the train for the very first time!!!!!
Ok first thing, we missed the 6 15am train n had to get on the 6 30. Getting in, I was all excited like a kid in the candy store, (in my head I was hoping for some nice views n if not, at least it wud move FAST) well unfortunately it wasn't!!!! Slow as only God knows wot, and views? Oh pls nothing worth staying up for.
So we get to Dc n got a cab( its 7:3o in the morning, n i am still in that " reflecting on me" Zone n God I am not ready for a long ass conversation with anybody !!!! ) Well like the rest of the day, it defiantly wasn't what I was hoping for. The cab driver, literally held a FULL conversation till we got to the embassy n trust me I had that tone in my voice like( I really am not in the mood plsssss) its either I wasn't doing a good job, or he didn't just care coz he kept going. After finding out we where from Nigeria, he had the nerve to say we have been spoiled by "America" ok i was not exactly mad at that statement but it just made me want to go home even More.
We finally get to the embassy on time, Thank God but, the gate was closed n the guy at the gate said we had to wait( in the windy cold open space no sun shinning gate entrance). we finally get in n thats a whole story on its own.
We leave the embassy n we got a more advanced talkative cab driver naa he was worse he was even dramatizng it n all. I was cracking up with my sister n after a while I put on my earphone n was in the world of "the real thing" jill scott was doing her thing like she always does n boy was I relieved .Epiphany sounded like a totally new song listening to it right after the nice but talkative indian driver.
Sitting in the train back to baltimore, all I cud think of was HOME!!! Gosh I miss Nigeria. So what more can I do when all I can think about is my trip home, than to start a count down blog about my trip home???

Monday, October 15, 2007

IF

If i was a painter,
I would paint a memory
If that's the only way for you to be with me
We would be there together like we used to be
Under the tree, for all to see
I think my brush would take me there.
There is where i want to be.

If i was a painter,
I would paint who i really am
If that's the only way for you to understand me
I would let you know in a simple composition.
I am fragile like a leaf in the autumn, falling without a sound.

If i was a painter,
I would paint the progression,
If that's the only way you can see that every time you say those words,
I put another brick in the foundation.
Soon enough the painting would show you the wall i have built
A wall of ambivalence at the worst and love at best for you .

Monday, July 16, 2007

Unfaithful



How i know?
Never spending time with what i call my true love
Never putting you on my priority list
Never setting aside time for just us like i always did
Never maintaining the good communication we used to share

These are what makes me feel this way
These are what makes me realize i am being unfaithful
These are what makes me feel so sad,
These are the things i do to hurt my one true love

We had the best time together
We sheared thoughts and secrets i would never tell anyone
We where together when i didn't want anyone around me
We where together cos.....

You helped me in expressing what i feel in the easiest way
You helped me realizing why i feel in love with you in the first place
You helped me in seeing what i got inside
You helped me in being me and loving every bit of that
you helped me to be where i am today

My love for you was all i could think of
My love for you i don't see no more
My love for you i wish i could have back
My love for you was one i could call true love
My love for you I long for each day
My love, can you forgive my unfaithfulness ?
My love, can you be a part of my life like you used to?

You became a part of me,
And I a part of You
Who are you they ask ??
POETRY !!! :

Sunday, July 15, 2007

a lil past midnight !!!!


its 12: 16am and i know i am to be in bed
its 12: 17 am and i am so not passed this one line
its 12:20 am and i just got a text message
its 12: 20am and i am thinking"didn't i say i was going to bed an hr ago??? "

the sad part is .................. i have been waiting on that text message from the time we hung up
the sad part is that text message put a smile on my face
the sad part is i cant control how i feel
the sad part is................... its so unlike miiii


its 12: 23am and i finally get my self to reply you
its 12: 24 am and i am still trying to find the right words
its 12: 25 am and i finally click send
its 12: 26am hold up ............. OH NO not a call

the sad part is i really hate the way you make me feel
the sad part is you actually make me feel normal to others
the sad part is i am not used to this
the sad part is why cant i hide my feeling this tyme?
the sad part is i don't wanna believe i need to open up
the sad part is .................

its 12:38am and you just snapped me out of my thoughts
its 12: 39am and i am still trying to make you realize i was really with you but hold up, that was "in my thots "
its 12: 40am and you finally believe me
its 12:50am and I give an excuse to get off the phone with you
its 12:51am and you wish me good night

the sad part is i really didn't wanna get off the phone
the sad part is i was actually feeling the conversation like i always do
the sad part is now i am hear still thinkin about you
the sad part is i bet you are too coz ............

its 1:00am and i get a text from you saying "thinking about you"
its 1:01am and i am smiling to my self and wondering why the hell i wouldn't give you a chance
its 1:05am and i send you a reply saying" sure we could do lunch tomorrow"
its 1:05am and i am glad i answered the question you asked me at.... 12:42am
its 1:06am and for the first time i am looking fwd to our maybe 5th date
its 1:07am and i am finally realizing maybe you right, .... maybe you are the one

the sad part is .......naa the GOOD thing is i am soooo looking fwd to finding out
the good thing is i feel better not lying to myself about how i feel
the good thing is i am already making up in my head what i wanna wear
the good thing is .....................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

its 8:10am and i jumped up realizing i fell asleep thinking about you
its 9:00am and i am at work wishing it was 1:00pm already
its 9:02am and i am replaying all that happened...."a lil past midnight"

the quote

aiight we had this program at church yesterday and at the end the teacher used this quote that was HOT!!! i thot it's was worth shearing

"God give me the POWER to change what i can change

GRACE to accept what i can not change and
WISDOM to know the difference between what
i can change and what i can not change"

it really helped in answering a lot of my questions really there are a whole lot of things and people we can not change so i guess the best we can do is accept it for what it is. defiantly need to apply this in a whole lot of aspect in my life that i would blog on later ......

wot is it really???

.... its been a while since i posted anything and it coz of my present predicament, did i just use that word? well maybe i did thats too big by the way wudnt really say predicament, i would say !!!! state of mind. lol aiight really heres what's going on.
.... she is stuck in btw what she wants and what her heart wants...gosh its soo annoying not knowing what's right for you, How i wish i just could see the end of my book and know what the hell to do.
SHe loves her Pumps, but at the long run, they gonna hurt. They have been nice to her, been thru thick and thin really and them Pumps defiantly knows how to make her look HOTTTer !!!.... and also loved in a funny way. them Pumps have been there and made her feel mad spacial you know, the way it is to be. It took a while , but she got used to them. she can run , play and do whatever in them. She loves the way they lift her up so high and make her feel on top of the world in every aspect. But one day, it downed on her, they wherent just fitting right anymore, they where gonna give her some bas ass ankle pain in the long run, deep down she didn't care but there was also that lil bit of fear of the unknown u know the fear of not knoing what to expect at all. Gosh she wishes that wasn't so. She wishes she could over look the bad part of the pumps, not that there was really something wrong about them, it was just something that was inevitable. she wishes she could love them for the faithful days and for the great memories they had together BUT isnt that settling????? is it? come on i need an answer!!!!
i know its not gonna be that easy or else this world would be one boring sad box but come on cant this be an exception???

...sadly, she places them sexy ass Pumps in a shoe box ...
hoping no one else would wanna come borrow them...
hoping deep down she would not loss them ...
hoping when she wants to wear them again, they wud still feet perfectly .. God she feels so bad hearing that. selfish i wud say but deep down thats how she feels.
hoping and hoping that one day that fear of the unknown would not take the best out of her
hoping that pair of Pumps that makes the world look at her with envy would not up and leave.

still in her world of hopes, she got some sexy ass sandals as a gift. a gift to make her avoid the thoughts of how much she misses her pumps . Shes been resting them pretty feet of hers just so when she is ready to finally pick up the Pumps back or maybe find a better style, she would be ready and take it for what it is.
This pair of sandals has comfort, class and style . you might ask what more does she want? the perfect pair has found her, but its different.
with then pUMPS all she needed to do is slid her feet in but with this new pair she has to be open, bend over and buckle.
BEING OPEN is one thing she's been running away from. she got away with it soo well in the days of the pUMPS but now shes not even giving the chance of day to even avoid that. NOOOO she is so not used to this and its driving her crazy some times she just wants to go in to the shoe box and take out them Pumps that made her feel comfortable in her flaw.
BENDING OVER TO BUCKLE ??? u kidden me? wow she has been sooo used to knowing that was not necessary at all. Fyne it made her see things she never thot she had, made her feel things she has never felt, but
it was really taking her out of her way.
it was really making her put in more effort.
it wasnt what she was used to.
DOES THAT MAKE IT WRONG ?
DOES THAT MAKE IT SECOND CHOICE??
NO deep down she loves the change,
deep down she is tripped by the way the sandals shows her pretty manicured toes
deep down she loves the way the sandals make her sure she is doing the right think
deep down she wishes she could forget about them pumps and enjoy what her new pair of sandals has to offer.
now thats her predicament if you most say...
and her sate of mind is ....allowing them pumps go.
accepting the fact that she wants a change
accepting the fact that she is not willing to just settle for less
accepting the fact that her yesterday love for her pumps was not less but just not enough
accepting the fact that she wants to bend down
accepting the fact that she cant hold on to them pumps just coz she is afraid of being bear foot..
IS THAT IT ? is she afraid of being bear? is she holding on to them just cos?
IS SHE JUST AFRAID TO LET GO ???
wot is it really??? somebody tell her

Friday, June 15, 2007

........ yesterday was the LONGEST day at work.... gosh it seem like 5pm was years ahead. i love my job don't get me wrong, but its beginning to get in btw me, myself,I and the world. in other words, I DON'T HAVE A LIFE ...

So really i was supposed to be completing the floor plans i was working on but i found my self taking pictures...which i hate doing by the way on a regular day... school is on break but i seem to be more busy than i eva was.



First Step !!!

Hey y'll..... aiight i am VERy new to this... "my very first BLOG". Been sitting here for over 30min wondering" em what am i going to write" as u can see i could not come up with anything but i just have to have a post... so here it goes..... I guess the hardest part is actually starting so hopefully it flows from here.