Discovering the Undiscovered

His Remembrance

2011-08-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Cherished memories of you has helped to soften my grief,
Fond recollection of you has brought me relief,
Comfort and peace I find in the thoughts of the joy you gave.

Time and space can not take these memories away.
For I hold them too deep in my heart.
Its been possible to do, because these memories are painted in color true.

These memories have created a golden chain, linked with remembrance
Even though death tried to break,
Its all in vain.

The seconds, minutes, hours, days and years may wipe out many things
But some they wipe out never.
Like the happy times we shared,
When you where here,
When I could see you smile.

R.I.P (09-17-09 ) 2 YEARS and it hurts like it was yesterday.

- daparadigm -

R.I.P

2009-08-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

CANT BELIEVE YOU GONE FOR EVER....

I cant explain the way i feel
I cant get our song off repeat...
Remembering the way we could hang out and never get bored
Remembering the way we only fight coz we cant see one another.

Friendship like this is rear.
I cry more coz i never got to say goodbye
I tell others not to grieve, but that all i do behind closed doors.
All i hold on to now are our last words.
Thank God each sec coz they are lovely memories.

Its your birthday tomorrow and i wish i could call you and you would pick up
I thought of calling u a day earlier but brushed that feeling away
I wanted to be the first right at 12am
I wanted it to be spacial.
Now i cant even be the second or the third, coz you no more

I try to remember the good times and not the bad ones
Because that is what matters the most,
but that's not just enough.
I need t know you are there
I need to know i can call and you would answer
I need to know i can see, feel and smell you .
I need to know you would still make me smile.

The last you said was see you soon,
I hate that you going to break that promise
I hate that this would be your first.
No you cant be gone, we need you here . the whole world needs you, I NEED YOU!!!!

R.I.P FRIEND.......

Meme!!!!!!

2009-04-18T20:13:00.001-07:00

" MeMe' bug!!!

Was tagged by Trebes!!!

Rules:
1.Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
2.They have to be real….nothing made up! if the person before you had the same first initial,you must use different answers.
3.You cannot use any word twice and you cant use your name for the boy/girl question.
4.Don’t google your answers.
5.Make it as interesting and fun as you can.
----------------------------

1.What is your name: Paradigm
2.A four letter word: Pink
3.A boys name: Paul
4.A girls name: Pam lol
5.An occupation: Pilot
6.A color: Purple
7.Something you’ll wear: Pumps
8.A food: Plantain
9.Something found in the bathroom: Peroxide
10.A place: Paris
11.A reason for being late: Pregnant lol
12.Something you’d shout: Please!!!
13.A movie title: P.S, I Love you
14.Something you’d drink: Pina colada
15.A musical group: The Pretenders
16.An animal: Panda
17.A street name: Pulaski
18.A type of car: Porsche
19.The title of a song: Papa Was A Rolling Stone- The Temptations-

Tag: buttercup, Good Naija girl, Afrobabe, ........... sorry guys lol

My lover !!!

2009-04-14T12:25:00.001-07:00

In a way better mood than Yesterday : )
Thanx you all for your messages.

I thought I share some of my art works with you guys
since i have nothing to blog about lol ...
I am not an artist, just an art lover that loves
the paint and brushes and wishes she was an artist but can deal
with just being the lover !!! ...
and yeah my photography skills are in-existence as you
can see, and dont mind my red wall on the background of some!!!
ENJOY !!!

- the Festival-
24* 36
Acrylic on canvas
One of my first pieces... Love the colors. Cant remember what was going through my head that day, but it sure looks active lol

-life-
two 18' by 20"
acrylic on canvas

-the lost-
four 11"by 6"
acrylic on canvas

-New Dawn-
two 8"by 20"
Acrylic on canvas
"still in progress"

- the Urban City-
24" by 36"
Acrylic on canvas.

-home-
24"by 36"
acrylic on canvas

-outer ego-
18"by 20"
acyclic and pastel on canvas

-Untitled-
18" by 20"
acrylic on paper

Yep that's right, painting is my lover !!! lol " wink "

WHY ?

2009-04-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

WHY AM I SOOOO SAD AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY !!!!!!

Hate this feeling : (

wish i could figure it out...

@ least that way its a step ahead...

later guys hating this "sad" blog...
have a lovely week ahead!!!

OCD -Obsessive-compulsive Disorder-

2009-04-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

Yep my lonely guitar sitting there,
reminds me each day that i should not quit...
lol donno how that's helping thou..

My sisters came to visit and kept saying I have OCD : (

I don't think i do, but i am a lil worried now coz they wud make the 3rd person saying this.Whats wrong with wanting things organized/ neat ?
So here are a couple of things i cant stand and i find my self fixing not minding how may times a day ... does that mean i have OCD??
@ least i don't yell like some people , i fix it !!! I love to : )

1. After taking a shower, really doesn't the shower curtain deserve to be pulled back to cover the tub????
- makes the bathroom look nice if you ask me and really i think it just should be....

2. Please dry your self a lil in the tub so you don't drip all over the floor mat!!
-who likes standing on a wet toilet mat??? grossssssssss

3. Empty sink : ) why messed that up ??
-just do your dish and leave it empty : )

4. Toilet trash half full is full to me
-its the bathroom, come on I don't wanna see the tissue all the way up !!!

4b. Kitchen trash full is full
-Please dont put trash to the side or adjust the bag so the trash is hanging out on one side. just take the bag out and get a new one!!! Oh yeah and one trash is full and you see 2 small plastic bags with trash in them on the side!!! OMG are you 4 real??? ITS A KITCHEN people cook here !!!

5. Back from the grocery store, @ least make things look presentable in the fridge/ pantry/ shelf -the bigger ones behind and the smaller ones in front !! come on just so you can see whats what ...( lol it just looks nice that way ) : )

6. Bent area rug
-i think it just looks horrible, whats the deal, just straighten it jare lol

7. Food stain in the micro wave/cover
-thank God they invented the cover but that doesn't make it ok for the cover to be messed up with food !!!!!

8. Hair in the bathroom sink!!!!
-the sink is white, your hair is black/brown/blond/red if i can see it, so can everyone!!!!!!!!!!

9. Used blender in the sink
-that kills me . as in really plates ok i can deal with, but a blender?? !!!!!!! pouring water in it saying you socking it doesn't cut it either : )

10.Cook n Clean
-they go hand in hand... my mum always said " you use, you wash that way its not all piled up when you done" the best advice ever it just makes cooking easier and fun !!!

11. Spreading your towel on the door " so it can dry "
-OMG i cant explain how much of a pet peeve that is to me as in walking in my apt or anywhere for that matter and seeing a towel hanging on the door!! what happened to toilet racks??? towel hanger !!! say a red towel on ones white door??

12. I vacuum my guest room every Saturday when I clean, even thou no one stays there
-Ok really i agree its empty but i am already vacuuming the whole apt, i might as well ...

Cant think of any more but really if all of this means i have OCD!!! so be it !!! : )
apart from #12 a lil unnecessary i think lol
Happy Easter Everyone...

NOT an "I AM BACK" Post lol

2009-04-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

- the urban city -
"Acrylic on canvas 24" by 36"
( dont mind my red wall on the background lol)

I Think I jinx my self when ever i do that whole " ooo I am back, sorry i have been gone for long blah blah, coz all that happens is I become MIA again and the circle continues, so lets all pretend i was never gone, ok !! lol

........saw a post on face book about vera's blog, and after going through and reading i finally realized .....
I MISS BLOGGING : ( !!!! it was fun reading through and reading all y'all's comments and i sure did have a good laugh, so i really need to create time for this. I feel its gonna take a whole lot to catch up on ,.. feels more like i am new to blog ville. : (
i am ready thou !!!

update:

Guitar: Quit
well not really quit, just stooped ma lessons lol looking for a new teacher thou learnt how to play 2 1/2 songs, now, can only remember 1 1/2 : (
i really thot this was it men

Love life: in-existence
lol really it is. I kinda cleaned my slate, no strings attached. a whole lot happened in this last 8months that made me realize that's what i just need right about now.

Architecture: still in love
Loving it more each day. the other day thou, i cried and thot for a sec i was in the wrong discipline ( too late now don't u think?) anyways i guess i went back to my ever refresher (painting) and it brought back the creative side in me, and then i smiled and realized its architecture or nothing really lol

Painting : still in debt to
lol i soo am in debt to painting as in its helps soo much in soo many ways and donno how to repay ... planning on having a show thou, yes!!!!
so my birthday is in May, and its one of those big years that everyone expects you to celebrate
( even thou i am soo running away from that) anyways i guess the only way i would do that is if i make it an art show or sthing since i have been forced to love my pieces. I wouldnt say forced to love. i like them but i just never think they are good enuf to show !!!
so my idea??
" rent a gallery, put up my painting/pottery , and have a show!!! cocktail thingy with my art, friends and miii!!! : ) lol

Grad school: TIRED : (
really i am counting down my days men!!!!

Life: CANT BE BETTER !!! : )

Update !!!

2008-09-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

Where do i start from?
Who or What?
Thats really what my whole trip was all about.
Who: Ma lover !!! : )
What: My summer job( yes i worked in naija. it was amazing. I so wanna go back home and practice as an architect!!!!.

Week One:
Jet lagged like a B for 3 days.
Didnt know what to expect for the holiday by now. considering changing my return date (what in the world was i thinking wanting to stay in naija for 2 month and 2weeks. ok i love naija, but it gets to be a drag and u so counting ur days to leave.

Went to the archi firm i was to work at and really wasn't what i expected, but all that changed.

..... ok really this is all boring WHAT doesnt matter going to WHO!!!....
: )
"wink"

Last tyme i promise

2008-09-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am back finally

Really back to stay.

I am getting sick of this i am back speech really

Can imagine you all are too.

So i am determined not to go away for so long

Naija was MAD fun,

So much fun i could not even blog (imagine)

Well the slow internet service sure added to that

Fell in love "i think"

Confused as hell

Cant believe i was there for over two months,

Didn't wanna come back

Cant wait to blog

All about it......

Nb: I hate grad school : (

One step at a tyme

2008-06-25T13:51:00.001-07:00

So I am Home (Naija) For the summer holidays,

Its been going on great so far

Taking classes, not that bored thou.........

Learning how to play the Guitar. !!!!!!!!!

Excited as hell.

I so wanna run before i crawl.

My teacher thinks I am doing great .

I fell he is just being nice.

Gosh its not as easy as I thot.

Should have picked an easier instrument

So where did this all come from??

Out of no where my Dad bought an Organ and said he wanted to learn how to play @ age 54, we all laughed (come to think of it, thats not too old is it?)

When i arrived abuja, that was the first thing i saw in the house.

A step forward, i was impressed so lets see him actually take classes.

The first day, he actually gave me his cell phones to keep away (he never does that only if he is in church) meeting or no meeting that guys cell phone is ringing off the hook.

So i saw that determination and just had to learn an instrument my self.

So i picked the guitar

I have always thought its the sexiest instrument out there . lol ..

Now i wish i thot otherwise

My fingers are finding it hard to move around and stay where they are to be

And did i mention the blisters i am beginning to have from the strings.

Well thats my fault coz since i got my guitar, i take it every where.

I only have a month and a week to learn.

So you can only imagine how hard i am working my self.

My teacher plays so well, i asked him how long he has been playing.

He said 15 years......

I AMLOST LOST HOPE

They say practice makes perfect am gonna try and hold on !!!!

-The cycle-

2008-06-24T07:54:00.003-07:00

Question?

Yes!!

Fun times

Sad times

Truth

Lies

Courage

Love

Care

Romance

Cry

Laugh

Understanding

Unrealistic

Confident

Insecured

Anger

Passion

Break Up

Make Up

Make up

Break up

...........

talk and laugh from the word but don't feel involved.

All I am busy doing is locking little parts of me up

Why?

Because i would not need them now that you are gone.

nb: very abstract not true life !!! lol

-heavy heart -

2008-06-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

I feel heavy, so heavy
This didn't work it made it worse
Its been 3 days and we still giving each other the cold shoulders
In 30min and I am about to leave you here
Oh God I wish i could say I am sorry for Only God knows what

But I don't want to.
Gosh how weird is it going to be when i am leaving
What am I gonna say when I am leaving,
Am I going to give you a hug and say i love you
Am I just gonna walk alway and say bye
What am I gonna do when I leave?

So is it worth it?
I dont think so

My heart has been heavy all along
My heart wanna talk to you soo bad
My heart wanna laugh and crack jokes with you like normal

But this fight isn't making it so.

"....................Paradigm can you imagine what he said"
o o o is that you talking to me.
OH GREAT you went first
lol i know i sound like a lil kid but she made the first move thats all that matter !!!!

aiight wud be back she is talking and laughing with me...
i guess thats her way of saying I AM SORRY lol
thats why i love you !!!! muah

- i still love you -

2008-06-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

I hate that i am writing this about you
But you have pushed me so far that's all i can
I hate that you make me feel this way
But you have pushed me so far that i cant take this no more.

What more do you need?
Everything humanly possible i have done.
What more do you need?
You say I make you proud
What more do you need?
I give you your due respect
What more do you need?
I sincerely love you

Please understand why I had to come to this.
Please understand this is the only way I can vent without being rude
Please understand i have held this in so much its killing me
Please understand you have made me cry over and over again this time.

I hate this feeling
I hate not talking to you
I hate that i wanna hold on with this childish malice until you see my point
I hate that you SO good at it.

Please understand that this time it hurts more
Please understand that this time its different

I am sorry but i am not apologizing this time
I am sorry coz our culture demands i should
I am sorry because right now i don't care about the culture
I am sorry coz you have pushed me to this

I hope this helps
I hope this makes you understand I have my Limits
I hope this helps you understand how to relate with me
I hope this helps me understand how to accept this in you if it come to that

I know you love me
I know you know i do
I know you care
I know you know i do

But I am sorry , this tyme you have to take the first step.
i still love you........

The list

2008-06-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

So i sat down today after lunch and dailed my voice mail
......." you have seven new messages"

Five was from HIM and the rest from my friend. Why am i doing this was what i asked my self.........

I immediately took a sheet of paper and wrote down the names of guys that I have dated (not that much oh) or just tagged along not telling them what the deal is.
Beside their names, i had my pros and cons about them. After going down the list, it hit me.
No matter how much i try to console my self and say i am not looking for a Perfect guy. deep down I am. Some i had some silly reasons why we not together, some i had reasons that even in another life, i would never come to a compromise with and some i couldn't even understand WHY.
Because of this unconscious judgement , i try not to get close to Him, so i dont add him to the list.
I have this fear of the unknown, my unknown decision, because i know me, Once i make that decision, its final.
He doesn't get it, he thinks i am just playing hard to get, but the truth is i am protecting him, protecting another heart from being broken.
I got tired of lying "Oh am sorry i didnt get your call"
So i constantly put my phone on vibrate so i dont have to lie.
If i feel it then maybe i pick up ,
And if i dont, truely I didnt get your call.
Typing this, makes me sound like one stock up B, but really i think i am nice, but I feel a missed call is better than an annoying conversation.
At first i tried to cover it up by saying" I HATE THE SOUND OF MY RING TONE"
but guess what, you can only lie to another person, but not your self.
So my first step to this new Me, is turning my phone off vibrate, and trying to find the Good thing in Him, and let the bad work out with time.

- Numero uno -

2008-05-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

I CRAVE IT!!
What? I crave sharing my thoughts and feelings.

Finally i know why i feel in love with Mr A , and what i got from him:
the act of shearing my thots and feelings.

I long for this. What exactly?
Oh no I am not sure, but i know I've had it before.
i can feel it.
It seems almost like spiritual closeness.

Complete openness at all level, emotionally, physically, intellectually and even sexually.

Also appreciated, safe, comfortable and finally i have that feeling of @ last, I am home. !!!

O!!!!, and us talking,
simultaneously,
Moves to feelings,
touch,
and then exchange of words.

A conversation going on and on .
Its Amazing how its not hard to find conversation just in words or Sex without conversation . wow the two together with trust and feelings, makes this rare but amazing.

Wanting and longing for this time,
moment to share our thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes keep me awake at night.
What should I call it?

Finally i get it.
When I notice someone Demonstrating Sensitivity of body, heart and mind!!!
Bummm my own sensitivity and strong desire for sharing my thoughts and feelings draws me close.

That's it, Its Communion, simple I Sharing my thoughts and feelings.

-My Journey-

2008-05-24T15:55:00.001-07:00

I am on a journey,

A journey to Discover the Undiscovered.

Figured out there's a whole lot about I that's yet to be unleashed.

I feel there is more to Me than I give and see.

I know there is more ...

Knowing is the first step they say, so the next is actually finding out.

Cant wait to see what I discover.

the truth

2008-05-22T16:55:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes, and all i could think of is....
I wanna be there, I hear you calling but its trapped, trapped in a distance place.

You wanna express, all you have in.
wanting to have all you had before, but it needs a fight.
Fight against distance, time and goals,
Fight against culture, principles and ethics.
Fight against all i have written down in front of you.

With all this, you getting lost.
We find little time to share, but my laptop takes your place,
or better still i pass you over for exams and presentations.
And finally I realise i take you for granted,

All i have when people ask about you, is pulled out from the past
Telling stories of how we were , but not how we are
Cos thats all i have.
And then it all makes sense.
I miss you
I vow to spend more time gosh its a lie because life gets in the way
All i can say is
I'm sorry
I ignore you
Yet I don't want you to leave me
Please dont.
Just wait, please wait, I promise I'll come back
I just need to get this done
I can't deal with life if you go
Don't leave me.....you made me

TAG !!!

2008-05-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

I WAS TAGGED BY DOUG !!! THANKS !!!!

The rules:
1. Link the person(S) who tagged you to this post: doug
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

1. I love my room being pitch black and i use the light from my phone to find my way thru!!!O did i say i am extremely addicted to my phone !!!

2. I listen to the same album very morning when i wake up .

3. i am obsessed with my lip gloss, like really i cant do without it i have back up in my car, my bed side table, my lap top bag and my purse!!!. : )

4. I CANT DO WITH OUT BLACK . i am no Gothic, but i cant explain it. i actually want my braids maids to wear black and a colour like really i have to have a hint of black on my wedding dress.

5. I am quick to get over someone and some thing, simply a realist i guess. all it takes is me know someone or sthing is not right for me and in a sec i am soo over it. my friends say i dont have a heart but i say, why waste my tyme on something i know is obviously not going to work??? it makes life easier. !!!

6. wow what else !!! emmm iight this is all i can think of. i am not like every regular girl , i hate all them mushy mushy stuffvvsss!!! u dont have to lie you wud cross the dam ocean for me coz u wudnt. i wanna know u care through your actions, words are just the icing on the cake. my ans wud be "yeah right" it gets annoying, but that how i feel.... goes back to the saying" action speaks louder than words" whats can i say, that's who i am .......
ps: dot tell me you love me 2 weeks into us dating !!!!!!!! i am still playing nice !!! lol just kidding but really can u tell that soon??? like i said never falling madly in love so i guess i donno the ans.
Ok, i'm done. I hereby tag standtall , anu boy , la reine , neef , unwritten , sherri

Hey !!!!

2008-05-21T15:48:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, thanks so much for checking up on me.
Been so lazy to update. wow a whole lot has happened. Its been a mix of the GOOD, the bad and the beautiful lol ... for real, i have been blessed in every way and also had my downs.

my birthday was about a week ago!!!! ( really didnt wanna do anything coz i just didnt wanna think about growing old but hey, its life so i took it as it is and had a fun night with my friends)

Graduation was 3 days ago !!! wooowwww.. finally its over like really my thesis was wonderful, the jury loved it, did I say loved it?? yeah they did lol. i cried right after i left the stage defending my project.It was a cry of joy, relief and satisfaction. everythig came out, just the way i wanted it. I really cant explain this feeling, i tried sooo hard to stop, but it just kept pouring.
It felt good knowing all my hard work was all worth it, all my sleepless night and months of being MIA from Blog vile. lol ... so i gave up, i just let it all out. wow did i feel good after all.
All i cud think about was how much I have always wanted to be an Architect, and how good I am achieving this goal , all thru his grace. The great part was not only did i finish, but i finished well.

Now whats my next step???

who's house is it anyways??

2008-03-09T17:02:00.001-07:00

Its 11:20pm and i am driving down from German town, which is 1hr 30min from my house. all i could think of was "MY BED" I nearly cried when i looked at my gps and saw i have an hr to go. really i didn't know i was going to make it. Had a long ass day, this drive wasn't one i was ready for. While at my friends send forth get together, i had a blank, unsure look on my face. Why? all i could think about was the drive back. lol

So i finally got to my street and you need to see the relive on my face. Already had my seat beat off and brought my purse to the front so all i need to do is open and exit.

emmm.. like they say, you never know what God has planned.

So i drive into my parking space and all of a sudden : bang bang bang bang was i could hear on my window.

A t-shiirt and shorts wearing (drunk i believe) guy in the d** cold was banging on my window, asking me to wind it down. With out thinking, i was actually going to until he reached for my door and tried to open. (thank God for auto lock emm) i said what from my closed window and door and all he said "Open the F****** door. Oh hell no he just didnt. i was soo not ready for this. all i culd think of was REVERSE. Gosh i really wanna sleep.

i put it on reverse and drove down to the next street. kept looking thru the back mirror, he was running after the car. ok now you all know this whole thing wke my ass up.

did a lil drive around the next street and tried to drive back to my house with my lights off. emmm too my surprise, this drunk ass guy thinks he is soo slick. so he hides by the side of a car and as i drove closer, he comes to the middle of the road and walking towards the car again.

"PLS Stop i really need to get some sleep " lol all in my head

I drove past and he kicked his shoes at the car. Went out of the street and packed. I saw another car coming ad was soo happy. So he did the same to the next car and i was like oh great this wud distract him and i wud run into my house...

yeah riht, i am home alone, the doors here are not like our burglary proof lol ones in Naija if his drunk ass come breaking down the door what am i gonna do b4 the cops or someone gets here??

2secs away from my parking spot again and another 50secs from my BED!! do i really wanna do this? next thing he leaves the side of the other car and coming running towards my car again. I totally give up, reverse and drove to my girls house. As i made a right to the highway, i was so sleepy and sad, angry that i have to drive another 25min b4 i can lay my heads down. So much for wanting to sleep on my own BED!!!.

Am back

2008-03-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

So i have been off Blogville for over 3 weeks now, and i most say its been kinda weird....

Reasons

a. MY THESIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY !!!! 6 weeks to go, and i changed my design, which means, new sketches, research, analysis, plans, NEW KINDA STRESS!!!!

b. Just got my laptop back yesterday !!! yeaaaaa!!!!!!.. Ok i have my good old Dell, but the charger is kinda acting up, so i cant use it without connecting it to the power, hence it defeats the purpose of being a notebook dont you think??

c. My JOB : was a wolf in a sheep's clothing : so i i know i said i was loving my job and all, but i soooo take it back...

d. School in general men.

e. did i mention MY JOB? lol naa really its been a big part of it.

So with all of this, i havent even had tyme to log on , talk more of updating. Missed it thou. A whole lot have happened i donno where to start from. would update 4 sure next week.

I donno!!! Cry maybe????

2008-02-16T13:46:00.000-08:00

Yes i cried as in tears rolling down , me shaking , nose running (lol not that bad but i cried sha)

15min earlier

So i got an appointment with the apple store for 2:45. i was there at 2:20.

Didnt call me up to the bar till about 3pm

So it was a friend of mine, the agent and one of my professors from school

So the agent asked me to turn on my laptop, and b4 i could say anything, he immediately said they cant cover the damage. I was shocked, angry and trying to hold back. i could not get all smart or curse @ him, coz my prof was right there and i was trying to protect the schools name lol So i asked him, why do i have a warranty thats not yet expired and a protection plan if it cant cover a damage? and he kept going back and front about how they wud only cover it if it was a weather damage to the LCD like maybe the heat blah blah . i cudnt stand in front of him, he then said or we could take it in and when we done, we can call you and you can pay the bill. Ok that sounds decent, but how much are we talking about here? $1200..... as you all can see, its like the world is against me or sthing, emm all my enemies wud fall down oh, lol as in first it was my external hard drive, then now my laptop. so i walked out with the anger and pain in my heart. so i called my brother, who infected me with the mac virus and was telling him what happened. he was all oh wow try another store blah blah and if they say the same thing, let me know. and the last straw that broke the camels back he said" wow if that was me , i wud shed a tear, juts one" Immediately from no where i was in the middle of the mall crying like a little girl. i was literally crying the tears cudnt stop running down. i was using my pashmina to wipe it, but it was still pouring (gosh did i hate the look everyone's face around me had on as in like" do u need a shoulder to cry on??"

So i got off the phone with my brother crying and all i could think about was to call my mum.

told her what happened and she was like is that why you crying? hold up really i know i love my laptop but come on, was that why i was crying??????????? anyways i told her and she gave my Dad the phone. i hate when he does this..... my mum has told him everything i said already, coz i could hear her telling him, and when he got to the phone, he was like. oya what happened???

so i had to try and force words out of my crying voice and he started laughing.. yep thats my Dad, he finds something funny in everything one says. So my mum got back on the phone and asked if my friend was by me , i said yes and she said she wanted to talk to her. She got on the phone with her and was asking her why i was crying ok I AM GROWN MUMMY just coz i am crying dont mean she had to ask my friend why she allowed me cry like she would have stopped me from crying. So my dad got back on the phone and asked what i wanted to do. i told him there was no way i was going to fix a laptop i got for $2000 with $1200. its not even a year old. I was after the cost, my dad was after my education . Yes i know all my designs and projects are on my laptop but its $1200 do you know how many shoesssssssssssssss i can buy with that ??? OH GOD . so he told me i sud do what i have to do to get my project back on track. blah blah this is your last semester (the naija thing came in) the devil knows you going to be great, first it was you hard drive now this. dont let the devil put u down.Go ahead and get a new one and make sure they get all your information back on. You would think i would stop crying then? NO i started even more. he was confussed... P what is it? lol and you say u tough, why u crying? everything would be ok just go find out how soon you can get you information to a new notebook.

blah blah balh the conversation went on.

So yes now i can laugh about it, but i really cant believe i cried. i love my notebook but men its crazy why have an apple care protection BS for $349 and it doesnt cover a CRACK ???????????? so does that justify me crying??? it actually felt good, its been a while since i cried i guess i just cried all for one coz really it could not have been all coz of the notebook. lol

lost one to get another...

2008-02-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

Feeling a lil better. For one, my head dosnt hurt anymore, but the constant coughing and sneezing is messing with my joints men and the worse thing happened to me tonight. So I am over @ my friends place, recovering( isn't it sweet how they don't care if I infect them lol) and I most say, being around people sure helped me feel better, so I got on the bed, all strong n excited and was like, what a perfect tyme to get on blogspot. So I pick up my sexy mac book pro!!!! Lol and what did a hear? A crack ..like more than half of the screen is gone, all I can see is my dock @ the bottom. . Oh no u can't imagine how I feel right now. Like I feel like I just broke an arm of something. Customer service is closed till 6am and I am literally counting down. I donno what I wud do without my lapyyyy to think I have a case so the surface wudnt be scratched if only I knew. So I am here, on my phone updating, coz I can't sleep I need it to be 6am like right now men. So my plan is to call them at 6am and also be the first at the apple store tomorrow. I wish this was all a dream men :(

-Rule #No 1: Initials or First Name Please-

2008-02-13T09:22:00.001-08:00

I wanted to blog about this last night, but i was soo sleepy .. Here it goes
12:35pm Knock on my door. i know well enough i wasn't expecting anyone .
Peeped from the window ...UPS: emm not expecting a mail either...

So i opened up and then, 2boxes : 1. Flowers, 2. Gift box (yes Honeywell the 1800 flowers one lol gosh why did u have to soo jinx me???) :(

So i opened the box of flowers and was hopping i didnt sleep thru tues,n wed coz i know dam well Valentines day is not till Thursday.
1st thing first i reached out for the card.
It was the sweetest note eva. and ended with "I hope we get to spend more of this in years to come" NO NAME NO INITIAL NOTHING !!!! how the hell am i to know who sent it.

Opened the next box , A perfume "Pleasures by Estee lauder " emm I LOVE !!! (this person knows me well) with a note: "love you baby." NO INITAL OR NAME Again !!!!!

I was thorn between 3 guys , and i know i couldn't get it wrong.

So i called the 3rd guy, we spoke for about 5min and i knew right away it wasnt him, coz he was still talking about oo can i see you this weekend blah blah so One down 2 to go. its between MR Untitled and MR ex.
So i called Mr Ex, tried to make the conversation as casual as possible, and trying so hard to find out if he was the one without spilling the beans. Any how yep i spilled the beans coz he used a line in the note and i was soo sure he was the one. i went ahead to say thanks blah blah and how he shouldnt have and blah blah and how he's making this breakup more difficult.( i love flowers n the perfume, but i was trying not to show that. i was trying to make him think i meant it, "YOU SHOULDNT HAVE" .
OMG i shouldnt have. i should have let him say what he had to say right when he said "Paradigm hold up" . But no i was focusing on how he's making things harder and the note was so inappropriate,
Finally i was done, and he was like" P its not Valentains day yet, i didnt send you a perfume, or flowers through the mail. Why wud i when i can come drop it my self. But i guess i get the message , I knew it was anther guy all along you should have just told me and saved me the trouble by asking you on and on. Let me dont hold you up, go ahead and say your thank you to the right person. I just wish you told me why you wanted to break up and not come up with some excuss. what am i saying??, No excuss at that"
I was speechless, couldn't say a word. @ all coz i felt bad, not that i called the wrong person, but that he actually thot i broke up with him because of MR Untitled. Its soo not the reason and i didnt want him to think that way. i felt that wasnt fair at all.

So i get off the phone and immediately Mr Untitled called(if only i waited an extra Hour all that drama wouldn't have happened.

Started off like every regular conversation and acting like he didn't send me nothing (So honeywell there was no way i would have gotten my flowers in person until MArch ... emmm still in person would have been better thou lol )

Then i asked him if it was already the 14th in Naija, and he laughed and said he was actually praying they would have a delay n not deliver early till the 14th blah blah and how he had to travel out of town and also make sure i got the gifts.

We talked for a while and i knew i had to get off the phone and clear things out with my ex. not like i was guilty, but just coz i wanted to remain friends with him and this for sure was messing that all up :(

I know he listens !!!! try him

2008-02-09T11:59:00.001-08:00

Today started like every other day, call from my ex waking me up, going to the bathroom and then saying a little prayer. (i need to get closer to my God men)

i went down stairs, trying to get some work done as soon as possible, because i had a big day planned ahead of me.

9:30 i get a text from an old friend

f:------------ blank

P: hey how u doing, u sent me a black msg

f: ------------ blank

p: Hey same thing !! its blank

F: "God have something great for u this week, so always keep that lovely smile on ur face and received the blessings . u are the best in ur family and hope of all. "

P: aww wow thanks so much, Amen.. so tell me is that a FWded message, or did u really mean it? either way. ... Amen . how u doing?

F: ha .. naa na. from my heart

P: thanks i love the spirit

i sure said a little prayer and hoped on getting my blessing.

went along with my work and all of a sudden i had this restlessness in me. i could not sit down again i could not concentrate and then i walked away. i had to leave. i wish i could say what this blessing was, but it something i have been praying, fasting and hoping for. I wanna testify so much i donno where to start from i called my mum and she started crying on the phone.

I know God is real, i know is is able but sometymes we human beings tend to not believe that instead we take him for granted. i have, a lot.

This blessing is going to cause a whole lot of changes in my life for the better. Its the perfect assurance that God is out there listening to this little girls cry at night. i love you God. Thanks you father.

Yeah i know this is random. i have written this down in my diary, and it didnt feel ok. You know that feeling u get when u let sthing out, i didn't get that . I hope i do now.

Lets say this is my little testimony for my Annonymous blessing !!!. THANK YOU LORD .

~ This woman i knoW ~

2008-02-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I know a woman , lovely as can be
When she sings its lights up your spirit
When she laughs , she moves the waters
When she talks, you always want to listen
When she smiles you have to smile back

I know a woman you might not understand
When she says No, its feels like a Yes
When she cries, its like a storm
When she's sad its justified
When she's hurting you are too

I know a woman i am happy i have
When she sees me she knows what wrong
When she calls she lights up my day
When she talks its all wisdom
I know this woman coz she's my Mother ...

His, now Yours

2008-02-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

So I am off the phone with a female friend, and all i could think of was to write !!!!.

Before she met you .....

Trust was received at first
Then slowly deceived.
Next, games thats familiar to all
Started as a joke, then slowly turned into something unpredicted.

Truth they say is a safety net, not everyone believes that.
Can you blame her? she doesnt know better.
With something as fragile as trust, once broken, it takes a while to rebuild.
What is trust, if the ones you r to trust wants a bargain out of it?

When she met you..........

It is but a word, but still has great meaning
It is a feeling thats always worth achieving

It has been seen in a wrong way but hopes for the better
Trust is simple it self, it shows you are hers and she is yours

You say you trust her i hope she does too
But can you blame her she hasn't seen better

Be caring and loving coz she has been burnt.
But keep in mind that only trust can fuel the love between you two.

I know its sad
And you are mad

But you have to prove you are you and not him.

Need some help?

2008-02-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

So i am walking out of my department with my extreamlly FULL laptop bag, my BIG purse, My art bin (did i say that was big too ) lol what can i say i have a lot of shit i need in the studio @ once. So i was walking to my car and there was a bunch of guys standing by the door. So this Guy (that i didnt even notice till this moment said

Guy: hey seems like you need some help with all of that

P: lol naa thank you am fyne(really in my head i was like yesss pls help me out )

Naa thanks i got it my car is right there

Guy: i dont mean your bags i mean do you need some help with the load behind you ????

P: speachless like u all are. all i cud do was smile (the fakest smile ever and walk away)

No i dont have that big an ass I know i have junk in my trunk, but dam not that big that i need some help !!!! .... lol

Still havent found a solution to my hard drive problem. well got a better deal for 500. i am hoping i dont have to do that i am just really hoping. Just found out i could test out of one of my classes which mean "NO SATURDAY CLASS FOR MIII !!!! " yeah !!! lol really i couldnt see my self going to school on saturdays did that b4 and said i would never. I feel bad coz we have had 3 classes n i have only been to one and did i mention i was LATE? trust me i am a diciplined student but saturday doesnt count lol .

My new Job: I LOVE !!!!!! would blog about that ....

- Night Tyme -

2008-02-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Its late at night and i lay in bed:
With you in my head.

An hour gone by and i am awake wishing you were here holding me tight
Wishing i could just say am sorry

I close my eyes and i can imagine your hands on my lips:
Just the way you do when we about to kiss

i wish you where here
Just because i need you near.
Holding back all my fear

MIA

2008-01-31T06:15:00.001-08:00

Hey guys i know its been a while. I thot the fact that i had just 2 classes this semester, i would have all the tyme in the world to blog n have a life. Thats a big joke. My thesis and grad school applications are driving me crazy. For one, its taking me for eva to write up a personal statement. Ok i know exactly what i want to write, but my problem is how to start this whole write up. Also gathering up my potfolio is killing me. for the fact that my flash drives that has half of my college and career work IS MISSING !!! i know i should be more tensed than i am right now, but where is that gonna get me? I feel so empty without them i had a back up, but how nice, my external hard drive isnt working. for some funny reason no computer is recognizing it so i went to the Geek squad to see if they could retrive my documents for me and guess what ? Well they said to start up, i am looking at $1800. lol a joke right ? I wish. I guess i would figure out what to do as soon as possible. i need to get my personal statement ready first and my potfolio comes in when i get an interview so i guess i would take it one step at a time.

There you go Honey well that why i have been MIA.

Update:

So i have been busy to blog, but i must confess not too busy for Mr Untitiled. lol

what more can i say, we getting closer n i am falling deeper.lol

He plans on coming over early March wow you can only imagin how excited i feel and how much i am looking fwd to his visit.

Still talking with the Ex, yes he is the Ex now but he still wants a reason !!!! Ok really i know i would love to know the reason why someone wants to break up with me, but if its taking them over a week i think i would get the message and stop asking. Well like i said "if it was me" So lets just say he's not giving up.

i kinda miss him thou ....... oops did i say that out loud????

facebook has done it again

2008-01-24T16:54:00.000-08:00

So i got this message tonight and i remembered the post "Honeywell" had about the message sent to her friend. i had to share........ (facebook messages)

Ist one
Subject: Princess Paradigm (.... princess???)

compliments my sweet sister
u look like the 1st creation with that ur angelic
smile. u also seem graciously immaculate and fascinatingly flambouyant. i 'll like to know a little more about u . get in touch pls, tell me more about ur social side.
# 6*******

No reply... 3hrs later another message

Subject :Baby

Hello sister, u look immaculately hot and sexy. were u born on a sunday morning ? i 'll like to know more about u pls call me or send your number ..6*********

*** ok "graciously immaculate and fascinatingly flambouyant." who says that ???? like really what happened to the hello how are you doing?
and "were u born on a sunday" can someone break that down for me ????
and really did he have to us all those words??????
Still laughing here. i wish i cud be that BOLD...........

2008-01-24T11:28:00.000-08:00

.............................. blah blah blah .................................

Mr u: i miss taking you around and talking dirty lol architecture i mean
P: lol u funny i miss that too
Mr u: how have you been?
P: i have been lovely and you?
Mr u: just ok. work is fyne, family great, me : missing u .
P; lol thats funny
Mr u: naa am 4 real. i know i promised i wasnt going to force and rush things but i feel if i dont tell you how i feel its my loss.
P: Untitled pls dont
Mr u: pls dont make me lie to my self. i thot if you left things where going to slowly go back to normal, but its not, and the best part is , i dont want it to. I love the way i feel about you , i love the way i feel when my lil niece mentions your name, or i think of you. i love ...
P: Pls stop pls stop you making this harder
Mr U: i know i am being selfish, I know you are confused right now and need tyme to sort things out, but i do not want to make things more difficult for you but all i ask for is you take your tyme and sort things out. dont tag me along just to tell me u just wanna be friends. do what ur heart wants and if i am involved i wud be the happiest man on earth .
P...........(silent or sud i say speechless)
Mr u: are you there p?
P: yes i am
Mr U: pls say sthing . was i the only one that felt something the day u left? that kiss meant a lot to me. can u tell me u didnt feel nothing?
P: silent
MR U": paradigm pls talk to me
P: i donno ........that kiss wasnt meant to happen
MrU: but it did ... n thats not my question
P: i donno what i felt ( gosh was i sooooooo lieing i know how exactly i felt i still feel my heart racing when i think about it)
Mr u: P thats fyne u dont have to say nothing right now. I am here when ever you ready.
P: thanks for understanding
P:oo guess what i got a job offer as a freelancer !!!!!
Mr u: o wow babes that's great how, when, whats it about?
P: yesterday they saw sthing i worked on n contacted me , also i need more experience in graphic designs i guess i have been concentrating more on architecture i thot i do sthing different.
Mr u: thats nice happy for you.

................... blah blah blah blah ......................

Mr untitled and i have been talking everyday, maybe every other hr. its been great but i hate it wen our conversation gets to this turn. Gosh he is so what i want. but am i sure? thats what i know , just what i know. Well as per my bf. we talked yesterday thats a whole another story. told him i meant it when i said things are not working even thou he is still saying we cud work things out, i think i was more sure and he got the point. i promise this has nothing to do with mr untitled, but its something i need to do. I feel bad i am tagging him along and i dont feel the same way he does. I fell ,why say i am his gf if i dont act, think, feel that way. I feel i am hurting him more by not ending this now. so i stood by my ground last night and told him.
Gosh i hate break ups!!!

-His Taste-

2008-01-21T03:40:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to blog about this, but Dl asked the funniest question!!!"has he kissed u yet? what does he taste like? lemon? shit? abeg update oooo"

So i decided to title this post, "His Taste" before i start, i know for sure its not like shit, lol but not too sure about lemon.....

13min B4 knowing:

its 12:30pm and i am rushing into town. I have just 3 hrs to spend with Mr untitled today before i fly out, and i hope we have as much fun as we normally do. Last night didnt end too good coz i was ansing a whole lot of questions. Questions that has to do with him, me and my bf. Am i going to leave the devil i know for the angel i barley know? am i going to loss the what seem perfect for the very imperfect? how am i going to let my bf know i really want out? am i getting out coz of me or coz of MR untitled?? what do i really want? what does God want for me? how..........."Phone ringing, interrupting my recollection process"

Mr U: sorry am running late, the meeting took longer than i expected.

P: thanks fyne i am not there yet should be there in 10min

Mr: oh cool i guess i would be there before you than, was worried i kept you waiting

P: na u didnt call u when i get there

Mr U: ok then

... so where was I? yeah How do i know .. how do i know what ? gosh his call messed my whole thinking process up.. anyways what eva i am just going to enjoy this day and i guess see what time has in stock for us.

I get out of the car to meet him gave him a hug as usual and immediately his face was in front of mine. I could barely feel his lips at first. was so soft it could have been a rush of air over my lips. Immediately, my eyes closed shut in response, the absence of one sense( sight) alerted the other four. Especially the one i want in particular( touch) Two more gentle brushes of what felt like air( am i imagining them i thot) Eager to feel his flesh against mine. The next touch of his lips takes away the notion from my mind, The thot that this is an imagination. There is pressure now, firm but soft, cool yet warm, sweet yet minty. The warmth from his touch moves into me through the union of our lips causing "real" butterflies to rise in my stomach, my palms sweaty and my heart raceing.... dum dum dum i could feel his too. I love the feel of his lip. I was surprised that angular face of his could contain anything soft. so soft, so delicate, so .... wonderful. As i think this, his lips part, but not too much, just enough to trap my upper lips a hint of a nibble and a suck is all i get...... : ( Dont stop now, i want more is all i thot.

I part my own lips in response trapping his upper lips now. Its luscious and thick. the tip of my tongue flicks out, am eager to taste.... he groans in response, I release his lower lips, and our mouth fused once more. this tyme, they open simultaneously, creating something huge just waiting to explode. with butterflies still in my stomach and both hearts pumping so fast, instead of plunging his tongue in, he starts to trace da outline of my mouth, punishing me with my imagination of his talented tongue just on the edge of my knowledge. Trying so hard to think, everything about him is power play, with no doubt, he would say the same thing about me. I thot it was part of what makes our kiss so exciting,.. finally i give in. my tongue goes deep into his mouth, investigating the sweetness there. he tasted of a fragrant wine, it was rich,powerful and heady. It left me slightly drunk and defiantly craving for more. I then rolled his taste on my tongue like a fine expert. emm absolutely delicious. Upon my verdict, his tongue reaches out to taste mine as well . My eyes squeezing shut as i wonder what he tastes in me. The craving within became almost too much to bear.

I need to reciprocate. I need to touch him too. The mere meeting of our mouth isnt enough to capture the sinful richness of this man. My fingers reached out hesitantly at first, i pushed back. then again brushing slowly against the razor sharp edge of his cheek. wow this was the only touch we share, he then leans into my lands, encouraging me. i cup his cheek with my warm palm. My fingers trace sensuously along his jaw line, tracing the strong features of his face that i know by heart,

I reach out with my left hand as well now, cupping his face as I pour my desire into our kiss.
His tongue grows more daring now, stroking against mine , tracing it from every angle. It is an artist’s paintbrush, his paint brush gentle and so sure, creating a master piece and beauty within me. Or maybe it just reveals the beauty that was already there... lol
Oh god! The things his tongue is doing are anything but innocent. He finds every spot that makes me gasp showers them with attention... His moves, reaching out to gently hold my waist in place as he kisses me breathless. I know the skill of those fingers, the innovative ways in which they make love to my body... did i say make love?? yess thats how i felt ...Yet they remain still, content merely to hold me for the moment.
With his touch, the burning passion within him finally rises to its highest flame. His mouth becomes possessive, over mine, pouring out every emotion in his poet’s heart, showing his......... ring ring ring ring .. oh no, not my phone. Immediatly i pulled away. was i dreaming? was it an immagination? the look on his face made me realize it was all real. Oh no i tried so hard to avoid this. not like i regreat it, but now i know this is going to make this hard. so hard for me to let go. I pick up the call just so as to break the ice. I felt shy??? did i say shy?? yess ...why ,? i had no clue. i had no idea who was on the line and what i said all i had in mind was the kiss, his taste............

Pre - His Taste-

2008-01-17T23:08:00.000-08:00

Just

days b4 i leave n Mr untitled said he wanted to take me somewhere special!!!( doesnt he always say that?) .I got dressed, took extra time i guess i just wanted to look really nice for him and also be ready for any other princess or queens of his castle. lol (just kidden) .

Getting to the area, all i cud see was residential houses (i know well enuf he wasnt working on any at the moment .. he told me every building he was working on) so i asked and he had this annoying smile on saying well i wanted you to meet someone special or should i say someone thats very special to me wanna meet you. I froze for a sec and said what? Yes it was his mother and hell yes i wasnt going in. Well after 20min of constant back n forth, i finally went in with him.

Meeting Mrs Untitled :
Mr U : hey mom we here
P:"we here?? gosh why does that sound so scary !!!!"
Mom: just a sec darling wud be with you guys
Princess : Uncle Uncle you made it
Mr U: hello my princess how r u?
P: hey hon how have u been?
Princess: am fyne thank you and you?
P: been lovely
Mr U: where is your mum?
Princess: she dropped me off and said she would come get me later.
Mom: hello my dear you most be Paradigm
Princess: grand ma , grand ma, i told you she was pretty

"wink" lol

P: yes i am ma. nice to meet you........"had this smile on i had no idea weather it looked cheesy, fake or real"
"his mom had the cutest hair eva its was all grey with little strikes of black gosh i made a quick prayer"lord pls let me age this way "lol
Mom: so since MR U made it soo clear to me that i should not bug you, because you guys are just "friends!!!!" i am trying soo hard not to wanna see you again. but friends do visit each others family dont they ?
P : lol yes they do ma'am . @ Mr u: i gave him a lil pinch coz of the way he made his mom emphasis on the just friends it was soo obvious it was my idea....
Mr u: trust me i know my mom, u wud run out n i dont wanna loss you
p : yeah yeah what eva,(he hates when i say that )
So we all had a little chat n had lunch. Princess was the central of attention isnt she always? (trust me i am not jealous of an 11 year old.....). She had a story to tell about every thing we talked about on the table no matter how slightly related it is, in her own little world she had a similar experience. After lunch, which i most say, wasnt as bad as i thot, Mr untitled excuse himself and I. We got ready and princess asked if she would see me again, all i could say was definitely some day. she wasnt too pleased with my ans and looked at Mr untitled and said "you better make her come back" he then told her, " its all depends on her she's the one that needs to make up her mind"-- No he didnt have to put me on the spot like that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well his mum walked us outside after we both exchanged pleasantries. " I hope to see you again dear and maybe then both of you would have taken off the fake sticker of "we just friends" on your forehead's" .... we all laughed and got in the car.

]The rest of the day was fun but sad @ the same tyme. We both realized i would be out of here in less than 24hr, no more archi talks one on one, no more long ass lunch breaks, site seeing , constant laughs and BIG tyme flirting....

why did we have to meet right b4 i was about to leave?

why did he have to move back to Naija?

why now?

He asked what i thot about long distance relationship, my ans wasnt too encouraging he said. but really i have been in one b4 and i didnt like it. the pain in missing someone isnt really worth the rush of excitement when you met them after a while. you grow apart no matter how much you talk on the phone and is just too painful. I really wasn't ready to go through that again and at the same tyme, i really wasn't ready to loos my Mr Architect .

Mr Untitlied and his Princess ( Not me .. i wish )

2008-01-14T08:05:00.000-08:00

Dl has been asking for an update on Mr untitled... A lot has been going on but I still cant find that dirt. I know its such little tyme but there have to be some dirt.

Here it goes : UPDATE!!!

So Mr untitled and I have been hanging out a little too much on the name of “architecture” yeah right. We both know its more to it than our passion for architecture. Its been amazing I most say, so amazing that I forgot I have a BF… “oh shit I have a bf. Need to call him back. Been saying I was going to call back for ages now” anyways he has been taking me to different kinda building type : lounge , restaurants , bars ...... Not just to the places, but we go and talk about the architecture too” my kinda date” lol I know I am weired, see why a non architect or non art lover would be miserable with me around…. anyways we have been talking about our selves all thru and i feel like i have know him for over 2 years now. ( i cant believe i am saying this) anyways i am so scared for the weekend to come coz i feel this thing "what should i call it?" fling? game? friendship? WHAT??? would end pretty soon.

Stupid me:

So i have been looking extra hard for any flaw Mr untitled has and its gotten me a lil bit paranoid.
"This was really embarrassing"
----Mr Untitled and I at a lounge ---
we were talking and all of a sudden someone walks by
Some1: Hey Untitled how you doing?
Untitled: Am doing good and You? Its been a while
S: Yeah Been busy with work you know how it is
U: Oh am sorry this is Paradigm , Paradigm met Someone.
P: Nice to meet you. S had this wired smile on saying nice to meet you too, "winked @ U n asked : So howz ur princess??
P:WHAT?? Princess?? ok God i wanted to know his dirt but not like this......."hold up why u getting worked up?you guys arent dating...naa but he told me he had no one - SELF STOP - stop calm down and listen ------

U: she is doing wonderful asked after you told her we wud come see you later this week.
S: that would be great looking fwd to it. i would let madam know so we can all hang.
S: nice to meet you paradigm
P:same her "smile wipped off tried to fake it, cudnt work"
U: bye then.

So he left and MR U kept smiling and asked if i was ok after apologizing for taking my tyme i said it was ok but still had a straight face on. we finished up, and he dropped me up and asked if he could come in ... "i dont think its a good idea " was my response. "ok then sorry i pushed" was his. he drove off and called me later. we only talked for about a min coz i faked being sleepy.

The next day was already planned b4 sun rise .
We where to meet @ a spot to have ice cream n get lunch after. While @ home i was trying so hard to get over what i heard the night b4 ok really why was i mad? was it coz i was beginning to like him? but come on you have a bf n u tripping coz he has a "PRINCESS" how cheesy i said lol . so i tried to get my self off that selfish mode and got dressed up n ready to leave.
As soon as i saw him that anger rushed in. why?
He looked as sexy as eva gosh he knows how to dress. he was always looking on point and today wasn't different . the thot of him having a "princess" made me angry .....he came walking by me with this big smile on and as soon as he saw my face, his wiped off. he asked again what was wrong n i stood by my " i am ok" he asked again and said " its ok if you mad at something, just tell me you dont feel like talking about it right now." " Yes there is something wrong, but i dont feel like talking about it right now " i said ---. "Ok then thanks for telling me, i hope you feel better n can tell me later coz its affecting me and our time" he said. Our tyme? what does he mean our tyme ? lol i laughed. we walked in the shop and stood on the line. it was kinda a long one. kids are still on holiday so it looked like they where all out there ...
2 more people in front, thank God
"Uncle. uncle" - from a cute lil girl standing at the door running toward me.
hey my princess- from right behind my ears.
YES she is the princess. His Niece. she ran into his arms and he gave her a big hug (gosh i want dirts not things to make me fall deeper)
hey princess i want u to meet someone.
U: princess this is paradigm .. p , meet my lil princess Ola.
P: speechless for a sec" looking @ MR U and feeling so stupid for giving him an attitude all along "
P: Nice to met you sweet heart i love your purse ( she had the cutest purse a girl of her age can have on ")
Princess: thank you i love your shoes .
P: thanks hon. How old are you?
Princess: i am 11
U: going on 31 lol
Princess: no am not.
P: lol nice to meet you
U: where's ur mum?
Princess: she is at the door talking to a friend .......
Yes it was his niece
yes i felt stupid
yes i still feel stupid
Yes i think he knew that was why i had an attitude
Yes he asked
yes i denied it lol
yes she is adorable
Yes i like him
yes i need some dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just one wud be fyne ...

He cant be all perfect can he?

Tag

2008-01-12T12:02:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Desperate lady, i haven't done this before either so bear with me guys .

Two Names you go by:

1) Aj

2) P

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

1) Pj's

2) my glasses

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship:

1) trust n understanding

2) love n romance

Two of your favorite things to do:

1) paint

2) laugh

Two things you want very badly at the moment:

1) another vacation

2) my jill scott's cd

Two pets you had/have:

1) a fish - i actually almost flushed her down coz i had to travel on vacation so i gave her out instead. : (

2) fish (still alive lol) : )

Two people you think will fill this out:

1) N.E.E.F

2) Honeywell

Two thigs you did last night:

1) went out with friends

2) danceddddddddddddd

Two things you ate last night:

1) spring roll

2) more spring roll lol

Two people you last talked to:

1) my lost best friend i haven't spoken to in 5 years

2) Mr Untitled "wink wink "

Two things you're doing tomorrow:

1) going to the bank

2) lunch with Mr untitled "double wink " lol

Two longest car rides:

1) Atlanta to Baltimore

2) -------------------

Two favourite holidays:

1) Christmas

2) thanksgiving !!!

Favourite Beverages:

1) Water

2) coffee !!!!

Person no longer alive you'd like to talk to:

1) Grandma

2) E ( high school class mate)

Thanks DL now i feel the way u did. This sounds boring... i read throu and was like emmm do i post this???
Here it is anyways .. thanks for tagging miii...

i hereby tag: Neef, Honeywell, rethots, little miss me, Undaconstruction, the scribe and my perspective !!! enjoy

Thanks yall for stopping by !!!!

Hope she loves it !!!

2008-01-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

Ok this sounded so hilarious that i had to share .
So i went out last night with my brother, sister and his and my friends. We all met up at my brothers house and i was introduced to a guy by my brother.
Brother: Hey met my lil sis Paradigm
Guy: Nice to meet you i am guy ( i wish i cud use his name to make this sound better lol)
P: Same here i am Paradigm
Brother: you two talk and yeah Paradigm did i tell you he loves parrot???
P:"in my head" ok why did he just say that? i was as lost as you all are right now. I was wondering why my brother said that, but thats all he said and walked away so i asked the guy and he found a nice way to shove it off.
................. we later got to the lounge and the guy called my brother out and warned him not to talk about the parrot Gosh was i now more eager to hear what the parrot was all about......
So the next day, we all had to go visit my lil brother @ school and we ( my older brother, sis, and i) where all talking about last night so i remembered i wanted to hear the parrot story. perfect tyming and perfect person. My brother loves to tell a story and swears he can ALWAYS be funny.
My bother: aiight you all need to hear this, mummy come on you too. So my friend Guy and i where talking and jisting about our experiences with falling deeply in love with a lady and was shearing things that we have done that where really stupid. when i heard his story, i couldn't even say my coz his was way crazy.
the story: the guy had this babe that he was dating and was soo in love with her right so it was her birthday and he was thinking of the perfect gift to get for her. he then decided to get a parrot... yes a PARROT and said he was going to train it to say " Guy loves you " guy loves you" ..... and to him the trip would be when her guy friends come to visit her, the parrot would keep going "guy loves you" guy loves you" ...

ok this sounded really funny in person as in we where all cracking up laughing like crazy. how love can make some people think of really creative "funny" gift ideas. I am sure it was from a good heart. But come on a parrot??? call her and send a text message lol.

The Kiss

2008-01-11T18:30:00.000-08:00

That first kiss

That childlike kiss

The kiss on the check

Then slowly to the lips

That kiss we both long for

That who the hell cares kiss

That kiss that makes my toes curl

That kiss that opens door

That kiss that starts the unforgettable

That kiss that makes me numb

That Kiss, that kiss I miss

2008-01-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

- QUESTIONS -

When do u draw the line?
When do you say you have had enough?
When is the world going to see it from your point of view?
When can it almost drive you crazy?
When is it ok to walk out?

Questions I ask my self when i hear about an unfaithful boyfriend or husband. I have been talking to a friend (more like an aunt) of mine who is married by the way for 5 years now and from the day after her honeymoon, she has been suspecting her husband of infidelity. Ok did i say suspecting? She actually knows, he confesses and cries and do it all over again.

Its just 5 years, what would happen when they get to 10? or 25?
How would she feel?
Who would she be?
She would have lost her identity i say trying to make things work.
She would loss trust ( if she already hasnt)
She would build hatred in her poor little heart for a man she truly loves.
She would regret the day she said I DO.

What do i say ? Do i keep telling her to hang in there ? DO i really think he would change? I pray he does cos he is hurting her So bad its telling on her So bad she cant even imagine he could change So what do i say?

I love my friend don't get me wrong,
But i hate being around coz of her sad story
I hate being around coz i am afraid i am going to burst out and tell her to WALK AWAY
I hate being around because i don't want to hate men like she does
I am not saying i don't want to be a friends and listen
But i see my self forced to tell her how i feel.

How do i feel? I have sat down and thot about her condition I know my feelings might not be surreal because i am not married But dam its still ones heart Its still ones feeling Can i take half of what she is taking ? Can i allow a man take advantage of my submission and love ? God pls dont make me have to have a reason to ans this question. Because i am scared of what my ans would be. I am scared i am not made that way I am scared i am too weak to deal with that.

So what should she do?
Sit back and wait till he comes back home
Scared as hell of what he might bring home?
Aids is real dum ass didn't you get the memo
Should she hold back of his right?
Should she not enjoy her right?
But of what point is it when u scared of the unknown?
Gosh its so much questions that needs an answer
Why should one get into the institution of married only to regret it?

So really WHEN is the question... 5 years of anger, tears, hatred, questions, and heart break Should she wait for another 5 ?
Or maybe 10? Should she keep hoping ? Or should she count it as a loss and WALK AWAY ???

Black or White

2008-01-10T11:41:00.000-08:00

Its either Hot or cold,
black or white,
yes or no,
right or wrong,
Male or female
Love or Lust.

Love is blind they say,
Lust has eyes, eyes that are wide open for games.
Love can be seen as day
Lust is the night
Love is simply true,
Lust sits quiet thinking of the next game.
Love need not be beautiful but lust makes it a pre-requisite
Love can stand through thick and thin
Lust can not.
By its nature it thrives

Love is white as snow, pure at heart
Lust fights in mud for its desires.
I can offer you love, not lust,
I am afraid you might not like it
So should i say i love and lust you?
Because of this, love shall hold hands with lust,
cuddle, kiss and even make love
then love and lust becomes one to us.
It may last it may not.

-Paradigm-

(nb: has nothing to do with Mr untitled lol something i wrote a while ago and just came across )

contd. "confussed "

2008-01-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

12:05 ( i am running late, i really didnt mean to but i always happen to get lost in abuja)
So i meet up with Mr untitled at the ring road round about. he comes out of the car and gives me a hug and asked me to drive behind him. Finally we get to the site. ( i have been driving pass it and wondering what it was !!! now i get a tour !! yepiii )
We get on site and he gives me a construction cap to wear i was skeptical about putting it on and he whispered that he got a new one from the office for me. i tried to snap out of it and realize that this is the real world n i have to stop being picky.
we went round the building and he was all after if i was ok and making sure i dont trip or not ( i came prepared with my flats wasnt ready for any surprises)
After the whole tour, i most say i was impressed the building definitely had an outside touch to it. it wasnt like every other building you see around. It had this contemporary style and for one, IT FOLLOWED SOME KINDA CODE. (finally someone is thinking about ADA, fire, evacuation, and life cycle of a building)
after this, he asked if i wanted to have a drink and talk for about an hour.
ring ring ring ring ( caller ID : BOYFRIEND )
one part of me didnt wanna pick up, another part of me wanted to . So i excused my self and answered the call
P: hello
BF: hey baby how u doing?
P: am lovely and u?
BF: pls change your arrival date i miss you
P: lol its just 1 week to go
BF: just?
P: lol
Bf: r u busy ?
P: yeah out with a friend
BF: WHO?( his insecure self comes out)
P: a friend i met
BF: a guy or a girl?
P: does that matter?
Bf: baby pls just ans
P: a guy if u most know
Bf: sud i be worried?
P: maybe ...lol just joking
Bf: i hate when u do that
P: i hate when u worry
BF: My mum sends her love
P: O howz she doing?
P: O baby i have to run can i call u later ?
Bf: why are u rushing me off the phone?
P: i am not just have to call u back
Bf: i love you
P: ok bye
BF: i said i love you !!!
p: hello i cant hear you, wud call u later
( gosh i was lying i could hear him , everything he said. but Mr untitled was right by my side. i wasn't ready to let him know i have a man. ( was i wrong?) didnt care at the moment.
Untitled: if u dont mind me asking who's that?
P: i do mind
U: o am sorry
P: naa thats fyne that was my friend from school
U: cool so tell me do you have a bf ?
P: u mean me?( ok yes i said that, i wasnt ready i had no clue he was going to bring that up, not right there !!)
P: not sure
u: lol u funny what u mean u not sure?
P: am not too sure where we left things when i came for the holidays ( well there is an atom of truth in that one sha, really i have been having mixed feeling and told him we needed to talk when i get back so some how i wasn't lying)
U: well i hope u find out soon.
P: i hope so too.
U: anyways let got get something to drink and talk about sthing else
P: sure
So we went somewhere and had a couple of drinks he said he had to work from home and didnt need to go back to the office so our 1hr drink date stretched to 3hrs. At the back of my mind i was scared God i have only know this man for only 2 days and i am falling( i never accept it ) so i snapped out of it and told him i had to go . he didn't object and even apologized for taking over an hr.
he asked when he was going to see me again and i said i wasn't sure. he said that was fyne and asked if he could call later that night.
We talked and i am still falling lol being avoiding him because i am going deeper. i am about to leave and not ready for a long distance crap. (been there done that never again)
Last night he asked if i was or wud be interested in getting to know each other more b4 i leave and i said i wasn't sure. he laughed it over and told me how he felt .. the usual blah blah blah Naija babe tripping for what he has and wen they hear his accent they fake theres, you know that annoying fake accent. and them being closed minded and blah blah blah blah. ( i laughed coz that was the same thing my brother said when he came back home to work)
Anyways when eva Untitled comes on on my caller ID, i have the cheesiest smile and blush...... i feel guilty coz i know the thots i have in my head (no actions yet) But one part of me wanna enjoy this and you never know, maybe Mr untitled is my Mr Architect i always wanted. : )

Pashmina Vs Tie

2008-01-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, sorry i have been MIA for a while and haven't updated any post. Why? I CANT STAND THE SLOW INTERNET SERVICE IN NAIJA. so since i still have about a week, i thot i might as well get used to it and just do what i have to do.

So here it goes. So far so good, i have been having a blast. I wish i haven't been travelling as much thou so i can at least have a long term kinda fun.

Lagos was scary, Calabar was beautify, Kaduna was different, Abuja is home.

So i have decided not to travel again and sit my ass in Abuja till i leave its been working for over 3 days now and i most say its going on fyne.
Hooked up with a couple of old friends, and making new ones,
Met all kind of guys and i most say they where all different in their own way. Of all of then i was quick to say oh yeah i have a boy friend until Mr untitled came by.

I was going to confirm my return ticket, and there he was nicely dressed with the sexiest tie i have seen lately. ( yeah i said sexy. there was something about the tie and his smile that made it so sexy. i could only imagine how horrible the next guy would look with it on.)
Tie: i love your Pashmina ( funny enuf it was my fav)
P: thank you ( walking along)
Tie: i cudnt see you with a shade lighter.
P: I guess my boyfriend made the perfect pick then. (gosh i was soo lying)
Tie: (laughing out loud ) i like that
P: wots funny?
Tie: you! trying to push my away before even talking to me or even looking @ me
me: u sure its worth my tyme
Tie: i promise it is
anyways we kept going back and forth until i got to my car wondering ok is he going to stop !!! not like i wanted him to . So i finally turned and gosh he got me with that smile of his. we later exchanged numbers and i left.
right b4 i got out of the gate, my phone rang ( unnamed number !!! it has to be him )
p: hello
Tie: why where u steering @ my tie?
p: who is dis?
Tie: come on like you werent expecting my call
p: i really wasnt. u didnt come to me as the kinda guy that wud ask when can i call you and call right after.
Tie: u didnt come to me a the kinda lady that would lie her boy friend got her the pashmina just to push me way.
p: Laughing ok then so how are you?
Tie: am ok and you?
blah blah . so we talked of about 30 min and ended up with a date for later that evening with a clues ( he said i had to wear the same pashmina) .

7:45 my phone is ringing. ( ok i thot we said 8pm) anyways i was all ready(with out the pashmina) but said i wasnt. ( not like i was trying to play, but my "boyfriend" was on the other line and for some wired reason i felt guilty.
i get out side and met him. he tried to be polite and said hello before asking where my pashmia was, but i could tell that was hard, i could tell he wanted to say that way before he said hello. All i could say was why wasn't he wearing the tie he wore earlier and then he questioned my silence, why i didn't say a word about his tie!!!!.
he had this sexy Cologne on that instantly i knew i was going to be vulnerable if he comes closer !!! i wasn't sure of my self anymore, i wasn't sure i was strong. he was different. very different from other guys i meet in Naija. he spoke differently, acted differently ( well from what i have seen) . so i get into the car and then i was blown all i could hear was the voice of Jill Scott. First i asked: is that the radio? and he said no. instantly i tried to fake it like i wasn't impressed and changed the topic.
on the drive to where eva he was taking me, we talked about everything. then i found out he was an architect. I HAD NO CLUE. !!! then u can imagine how much we had to talk about. We had the same dream :acquire and come make a difference back home. we got to the spot and we didn't come out of the car. we where so into the conversation.
Finally we decide to leave the car and he walks me into this really nice restaurant. ( abuja seems to surprise me everyday) it was very romantic and the ambiance was amazing. We talked and ate and he asked if he could see me during his break tomorrow that he wanted to take me to a site. ( i was so excited but i had to ask: . i hope i dont have to climb up the building mask?) i wasn't ready to come over my fear of height, not with a stranger .
....to be continued

Happy new year !!!

2007-12-31T17:22:00.000-08:00

2007 is finally over.
As I look back at the months gone by,
As a new one start, i ask my self,
"What brought me joy?"
Recalling
"all the happy times"
Remembering
"How they enriched my life n my loved ones"
I sit here reflecting upon those who really count,
On those who i am greatfull for being one, just one of my reasons l'll have a happy new year.
With this, my wish for you is that you have your best year yet,
A peaceful one, full of joy, favor and mercy.
This new year, shall be one you cherish ..why?
Because:
it shall be full of bright expectations
it shall be a year of new beginnings
it shall be a year of joy
it shall be a year all heart desires granted.
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

Shouldn't I have a baby to be a mother?

2007-12-30T04:20:00.000-08:00

Growing up as the first daughter in my family, i never understood what my parents meant by i was a mother figure in the house until a year ago.
in a family of 5 children, i am the first girl, but 2nd born. I have an older brother and a baby brother and we girls happen to be in the middle of the two most handsome, caring and respectful young men around.
All along i was said to be my dad's favorite hence a whole lot of clashes with my siblings and even my mum. trust me its worse than what eva love you getting from a dad. Some tymes i pray he loves me less and maybe, just maybe i can be like the rest or really they would see me like one of them. Last year Christmas break was the worse. It got so bad i got my things packed and was really ready to leave the house. (where was i going?
after talking to my Fav youth pastor and friend, he made me realise things, and see things differently i guess more like from my siblings point of view. either way, i was still going to have to compromise, calm down and take punches with out complaining. This was hard i would not lie, but i was also willing to give it try. I was willing to see if this would work. I was praying it would.
Every year, on the 27th of December(parents wedding anniversary) , we all come together and talk about each other over the year, good, the bad and the ugly.(trust me it gets ugly sometimes ) So that year was not any different. I was the central of attention (thats what i thot) things my siblings where saying weren't things i wished for, not like it was soo bad, but i thot i was the most understanding, easy to get along with person around, but they said otherwise. I listened and tried so hard to hold back that drop of tear in my eye. Finally they all spoke and my dad being the one that ends the whole talk, went ahead to say well you all have heard what everyone said, Paradigm, you are the first daughter, you are to be like their mother but you not. You aren't acting like one. You get angry with them blah blah. Gosh i felt bad, i felt bad not because of what he or they said, but because i kinda disagree. I felt i was understanding, i felt i gave them a chance, i felt i was caring about their feelings. BUT to my understanding, i was the only one feeling this way.
With this, i really prayed and tried to work on my self. I tried to be 80% more approachable. I tried not to let things they do get me mad, i tried to talk more, wanna know more, and tried to fix their problems between one another other than playing safe being on my own.
It was not easy, but i found out i was enjoying this after it was working . I found out i was actually having a relationship with everyone, i found out i was fixing relationships with one another. "was i beginning to act like the mother i was to be? "i was dying to know i was hoping i was doing what was right. I was hoping it was because i was enjoying it. this had to be right, it felt good.
I guess i would find out on the 27th of this year i thot.
Finally it came. was i ready?No, why? i was scared of the unknown.
My mum started off this year, she went on about everyone, i most say it started out nice unlike last year. we all had something positive i was happy i was excited, even me!!!!. then it was my baby's turn(my lil brother he wud kill me he is 17 now gosh they grown fast ) , gosh have we grown so much together, have we shared a lot of secrets and passions. i found out we where so similar in the scenes that he needs to be pushed to talk. I didn't mind that because i know that's who i am but no one else saw that . It was also nice making them understand each other. through last year to now, it seemed that we all put an extra 99% effort. it felt great , it looked amazing seeing no one chopped with negative criticism. it was amazing.
Now i guess i know what they have been talking about.....

25th December

2007-12-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas day !!!!! yeeeee!!!! Lol aiight I woke up with a kiss on the check from my lil sister yelling Merry Christmas LOVE !!!! I sure had a big smile on my face but she was pushing it with the kisses and all lol .so I got up, went to wash my face and all and went upstairs to wish my folks a merry Christmas. We all came down stairs and exchanged gifts.... After that, we all went out side to the balcony. OMG the weather was beautiful !!!! as in yes it was sunny just right enough sun light and the wind was sooo chill so the constant combination of the sun and the wind was amazing. From where we where sitting, you can see the fog all the way over the mountains in front of us. The contrast of this fog and the trees was amazing; it sure brought out the strong intensity of the color green. Gosh I wish I had my paint brush and canvas here to paint nature at its fullest. Green would be prominent in this piece. Green with a hint of purple and brown. The mountains where all covered with grass, trees. There where also path going all the way up the mountain, this shows that people actually walked all the way up there or something trust me I didn’t even wanna know how and why. I love adventures, but not that kind of one coz can someone pls tell me how in the world am going to get back down? I guess I have finally accepted the fact that I am scared of height. The ride yesterday finally made me accept this fact. So that is a no no.

Dinner: finally I made it out today for dinner, and it was pretty nice. After dinner we all went out side, to a burn fire / cultural dance. The weather was nice, cool breeze and the fire just gave one the right amount of warmth you needed. The dancers where OK , really just ok. It was amazing thou, to see this old women actually doing their thing. Driving back to my room, I could not wait until I got back to the balcony where I felt so whole where I felt so inspired, inspired to do a whole lot, inspired to do the unthinkable. Getting outside, I couldn't see much, why? Coz of the fog. It was as thick as ever I could only see past the vision I get with out my glasses. I love the curiosity I got from this because I was wondering what was behind this thick fog. Behind my head I knew what was there, coz I still have a sketch right in front of me of what was meant to be in that blurry scene.
Happy Holidays to you all !!!!!

Family Vacation @ Ogudu

2007-12-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

At first I was skeptical about this trip, maybe it's the fact that I just arrived a day ago they saying we have to take a road trip down there for 7HRS !!!! Come on I just got off the longest trip ever down here and now you want me to sit in the car for 7 hrs??? Knowing my family, I know we going to stop on and on on the road coz my dad would keep buying fruits, site seeing and all. Anyways how did this come up?
Ok my mum planned a get away trip for my dad and her on his birthday, and they said it was unbelievable and that it was worth us seeing aiight I would agree, I saw pictures and I was like wow this is beautiful as in Nature @ its fullest so we all agreed to spend our Christmas holiday there. With the other option being our village, trust me we all jumped on it was the greatest thing in the world.
Like I predicted, we had over 8 stops and I am not joking as in very unnecessary ones as a matter of fact. I got so fed up and tired at the same time. It was taking forever for us to get to this “ spot” that we all looking fwd to go to.
Finally we get to the gate and we had a choice to either drive in the car through the so called “ snake road” or take a cable car ride up the mountain. I would lie I didn’t really trust that ride so I was so after the driving the car with the drivers, but my dad insisted we all experienced it.
We got on the ride and most I say, all of a sudden I forgot the fact that I think I have a fear for height. I made the mistake of looking down and I could just see my would life falling DOWN it seem never ending as in I could imaging something falling down and never getting to the end that’s how it was but of all things, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. OMG God is really good as in it was an incredible view I would wanna miss in life gosh anyone that says God isn’t real is really in denial coz come o how else can you explain that? We could look down at the road and was I thankful I was not in the car… it seem like you would drive down the mountain.
The trees where deep green no light green naa really, it was all shades of green it was thick and fresh.
The sky was amazing. It was so blue yet so white I could see through it was just beautiful. So from the ride, I was already satisfied as In I was like even If this place has nothing else to offer, the view, was satisfying. The view justified my time in the car. The view was all I needed for this trip to make me have a good time; the view was all I needed to have a wonderful vacation with my family.

So we finally get to our House, (@ the mountain Villa) I promise you, it was HOT !!! as in it looked so much like a beach house the architecture was simple yet so functional. YESSS I had to bring Architecture into this my lil sis was tired of me coz I was looking around and realized it was a pre-fab structure. Did it work for them? Hell yes it was so sophisticated, as in it was very classy. the wood was simply beautiful. I love the way they used light as an important aspect of the building as in there was glass doors leading to the Balcony from the living room and 2 of the bedrooms. It was meant to be a place to appreciate nature, and in every way you look at, it was there. The view from the Balcony was Amazing... we had like the best view i wish i could take it where ever i go. and did I talk about the weather oh it was priceless. Not the typical sunny hot weather in Abuja or Lagos, it had this nice cool breeze constantly blowing and just right that just a scarf or a sweater would do just fine.
The furniture in the house is nice; the finishing on them gave this smooth feel. Yes I actually went around and looked at everything. Really all that was missing was the heavy snow out side and a fireplace. I could see a movie scene or something in here.

23rd: the funniest and longest day

2007-12-23T11:24:00.000-08:00

Aiight we get to Frankfurt and we waiting to board the next Flight HOME!!!! yeeee!!!! (little did i know)
So my sis and I where seated, waiting to board since we had about 4 hr transit, and we kept seeing different, size, shape, color and fashion disaster men walking towards our gate. African i most add. Ok it was a flight to Lagos and Accra, what where we expecting??? Finally, a tall , dark skin Fyne i most add brother walk by and winks at my sister and I, finally he saved the rest of the men in the gate coz my sis and I failed to believe there wasnt going to be at least ONE , just ONE nice looking African guy that can actually dress. ok when i say dress, theY get it mixed up, i am not saying the amount of "PHAT FARM, NIKE, SEAN JOHN, what else did they bastardize God??? yeah how can i for get.."ECKO, BUBRREY, COUCH" YOU WEAR, BUT HOW YOU MAKE IT WORK. god the NEXT TYME I SEE A GROWN ASS MAN WEARING A TEE SHIRT or even worse, a pair of jeans or throw backs, WITH ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko ecko echo, written all over it, I would actually step to him and ask WHY???? and if he had the nerve, the courage to wear a matching top or bottom with it, i would just walk by and smile, coz thats some nerve.
anyways we about to board and i am literally praying i am in a roll alone with my sister and did God ans my prayer or not???? YEP
getting to my sit was like an obstacle set out to either delay me, or frustrate me, not too sure which one yet.
So we finally got to my sit and trying so hard to prepare my self mentally for the trip. Sited down, all settled, got my ipod out, coz I was ready to zone out of the environment I was in right about now. Finally the plan takes off after over an hour delay and here it goes the funniest, most annoying, aggravating, plan trip I have ever taken.
30min into the flight two guys seating right in front of my sister an I didn’t see anything wrong in turning a whole 360 and constantly stering at us. Ok this was really freaking me out I had that fake smile on like “ yes can I help you”, but no all they did was continue steering with this big ass smile on. Next thing we see, flash, flash, flash, “are you kidden me? Am I that stupid? They were acting like they taking a picture of them selves, but making in so obvious that they also trying so had not to block my sis and I out of it. No1 I was mad, why? Trust me I wasn’t ready for no pictures, No2, they tried to play smart come on I am not that STUPID. No3. I DON’T KNOW YOU !!!.
Right after that unwanted “photo shot lol”I took my blanket and covered my face I must say music was not taking me where I want to be coz they where out talking the music 100%. 10min, and yep I was finally there. I was listening to some Etta Jones, -At last- and I am so relating this song I donno how to how I felt, at last I am out of this world of loud ass African men. Yelling and talking like they in a sport bar or something. ********** All of a sudden I was out of this wonderful world I created. How???... This rude ass guy, I think he was from Ghana or so, had the never, oooooohh the nerve to pull my blanket off my face and took it further by talking
Man:“ Hey baby, beautiful Africa queen, what’s your name”?
Me: “ are you kidden me? I am sleeping
Man: Yes I know but I have been looking @ you and I choose to talk to you now
(Man drunk as u know what yelling and been hailed for pulling this annoying stunt with me.
Me: Excuse me pls can u not touch me again.
Man; I would if you give me your name.
Me: putting my blanket back on, I press the call button to get the flight attendant.
Flight attendant: yes please how may I help you?
Me: can you please have this man leave me alone?
FA: excuse me sir but you are going to have to get back to your sit.
Man: laughing and yelling like a man drunk….” Tell her al I want is her name and I would leave”
FA: excuse me sir please get back to your sit.
Man: ok I would come back when u wake up …

Ok I could not believe this guy, as income one how rude can you be? He had the nerve to pull my blanket off my head like really who dose that. I was so in shock like I was dreaming I know SOME African men well lets don’t go there MEN ca e rude but dam that’s the height of it. Well for the rest of the flight, I had my blanket over my head.
Right when they came with the Duty free, lol this guy called on one of the attendant and said he wanted to buy cigarettes aiight I was still under my blanket and I could see through so I was kind of eve’s dropping so she asked which brand, and he old her next thing I wasn’t expecting to hear at all, he then asked her “ HELLO CAN I GT HALF OF THAT ?” Yessss he actually wanted her to open it up and sell him half of the box…. Really who does that? I could not control my self and I was cracking up under the blanket and little did I know my sister was doing the same. .. That’s was mad funny at least that was a little comic relive lol
Anyways, after the whole drama and constant noise and talking like really I felt I was at a bar downtown somewhere and there is a mad soccer game going on, i was glad to be in Lagos

cont.

2007-12-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

22nd :
ok we where finally booked on a flight on the 21st .
i guess they say you learn from your mistakes. i could not afford to miss this flight like i did the first. So i was at the airport, checked in over 4 hrs b4 my flight .
So we finally boarded the plan and the journey began............. 3 hrs into the trip, the worse kinda turbulence i have ever witnessed. -It might not be that bad ok but for real i prayed all kinda prayers, at first i started with the normal you know Blood of Jesus and having a safe trip and all but God forgive me, when it got so bad, and the lady sitting behind me was asking her mum if we where going to CRASH!!!!(who says that out loud come on) My prayers changed to prayer of forgiveness... ( i could not believe it either, come on i hope it was not my tyme and even thou , GOD pls not that way but i was so freaked out my faith was absent ) My sis was all eyes closed and i was hoping and failed to believe she was sleeping( sleep i know she loves but not in this situation)
Finally we where stable and i could not even sleep, blink or even get up , all i was hoping to hear was " cabin crew, please prepare for landing"

The trip: 23rd december

2007-12-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

Aiight i have so much to write i donno where to start from. I have been holding this back for about a whole week now. i donno what to call this blog but i know b4 i am done, i would figure it out.
***
I figured out i start from the end.
23rd December: Finally made it home, home i mean Abuja, i am sorry but even thou i was in Lagos, i couldn't just accept the fact that i was home. I know you all would say i am over reacting but i am sorry i can never get used to the lagos life. Took the first flight into abuja this morning coz i could not make the last flight last night due to the "very fast" indeed baggage service. anyways i was happy i was in ABUJA you can see the relive on my face, as in i could actually walk and talk and not be scared of my surrounding i donno how, but of all the 7 days, this was the best knowing i was on my way to Abuja . Ok was going to fly from lagos to abuja and they telling me i am entitled to one Luggage and it has to be 20 kg or sthing like that. I HAD 6 BOXES !!!THEY WHERE ALL OVER WEIGHT !!! EVEN MY HAND LUGGAGE WAS . so where should i start from. Ok i got to the front desk and had this big smile on my face "GOD GRANT ME FAVOR" was in my mind and also"gosh how bad, you trying to find a easy way out, more like bribing this guy and you praying"was in my head. Anyways like every typical "GUY" he feel for the smile. after weighing our bags and all he said we had 240kg and we a allowed 40kg only. lol i laughed and laughed coz thats not just more than half thats like times 5 . so he did it one way sha and he declared that we had 90kg (how he did it, i dont care all i knew was that i paid way less than i was to. Aiight after doing this, i was feeling so good and you know thinking wow i saved a whole lot and immediately my paranoid self came in " what if its a full flight and they have a lot of bags??? what if its more than the capacity the plan can carry???" as u can see my sister was fed up with me and these thoughts and she was like dam do you have to think that far? HELL YES I DO !! well we sat down waiting on our flight and was literally trying to survey the amount of people on the flight.(what where we going to do ? stop them??) lol Long story short sha it was a very empty flight and i felt so much better.

-The Question To Him-

2007-12-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, everyday i ask this question about Insecurity. I most say its a total turn off but its sad that i have and am dealing with it in every relationship i have been in. Yes Yes i know what you going to say, maybe its you( as in mi lol) .... Ok how is it me? Yes i have friends, yes my friends are a big part of my life (trust me i do draw the line) Yes I get hit on too like every girl , BUT I AM WITH YOU !!!! YOU.... not them . Dont you think that's a sign? Don't you think that counts for something? Of all my years on this earth just one person , just one said i was intimidating so that doesn't count, so i don't think its coz i am . So my big question, is why? Why Insecurity? Why do i have to deal with that?Why are you using the greatest weapon against me?

****

Insecurity??

What is it about this word that erks every nerve in me?

Is it ...

The constant fight that lay deep inside of you. Tossing and turning with emotions?

Is it your past hunting you?

Or is it Just me?

Calm i beg you to be,

Trust you clam you have for me

Love you declare everyday,

but trust I fail to feel

Is it just your insecurity eating you up or am I IT?

I beg you, try not to lose me

Your insecurity is taking its toll on me.

I try each day to hold on but

The trust, love n care begins to fade, or should i say pushed away

Pushed away because of the constant question i ask, WHY?

Break down these walls of stone because if your heart cant deal with it ,

your insecurity would push me away . ...

-sleep typing -

2007-12-13T11:45:00.001-08:00

I have been up for three day now. Can literally count the amount of hours of sleep i have had since Sunday. Thats the horror of my Major.
ok I LOVE, LOVE, BREATH, LIVE, and did i say LOVE Architecture, but come on there's gotta be an easy way out.
Maybe its the fun we all have in the studio all hours in the night,
Maybe its the constant competition of trying to be the best
Maybe its the zeal to want to be unique n have your own style,
Maybe its knowing i work way much better under pressure.
Maybe its just Architecture.
But with all these sleepless nights, and countless money you give in, the satisfaction of seeing your design is priceless.
I am literally sleeping off in my little space here in the studio and i really want to walk out that door, go home and sleep,................zzzzzzzzz.......... but i cant i feel there is a glass wall all around this building.
I cant because i feel i have no tyme.
I cant because all i think about is on this table
I cant because all i dream about now is my design
i cant because i cant control the rush.
.................................................................................

Porcelain

2007-12-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

Alright today i had the best set out of the Kiln. I was planning on making a dish set for two since my sis and I leave together, but i had one as a test piece n they all came out perfect so i guess theres room for one more lol. Dinner tyme !!!
-porcelain-
was great working with it compared to the regular 380 clay. but didn't like the fact that it dried really fast . Was a fun experience. I actually made 2 different size bowls with it and 3 (hot salsa,mild salsa and guacamole) mini bowls lol those are yet to come out of the kiln. More pictures when i get to them.

Life of an art lover !!!

2007-12-05T18:38:00.001-08:00

Art plays a key role in everything I do and everything that I am today.

From the house I live in and hope to design many in future (Architecture)
To the movies I love to watch (theatre),
To the books I try to read (literature)
and the sounds I cant live without (music) .
***
Painting is a form of art that’s most relaxing and rewarding.
I value all styles and mediums but I am found of abstract painting.
I paint because art is the one thing that I’ve found that expresses how I feel in a way that only I can understand the true meaning of it.
I paint not only because it relaxes me,
I paint because it give me another creative outlet,
I paint because I love colors,
I paint because I have ideas,
ideas with shapes and colors together .
I paint to express my emotions.
I paint when I am at a peak of happiness,
I paint when I am tense;
I paint when I am excited and I can not explain why .
I paint to have a true meaning of this feeling.
It is a loving experience to me.

***

Pottery is also one of my hobbies,
I love the way it test my ability to have balance,
I like the fact that each piece yields to my touch
I like the constant judgment between form and feel.
I like the feeling I get when I slice through the piece,
because in my head I know what I am creating.
The fact that I know that this piece can be a good one or bad just by my feel gives me a scene of ownership.
The most important part of pottery that I like is the fact that my feeling at that moment is portrayed in my piece.
When I am happy I make everything curvy and smooth
and when I am sad or even just bored,
I make them angular and rough finishing.
Most importantly, I like the fact that the clay firms and molds according to my will.
***
I love to travel because I get to see the beauty other parts of the world have to offer.
Also I like the diverse style of culture I get to experience with an exposure to how people act and reason.
Traveling is something I have been privileged to do ever since I was little and love it till now.
The most important thing about traveling that get me excited is my imagination during the journey.
This time I get to imagine what I think the place would look like and why I think that way. Getting to my destination I love the feeling I get when my curiosity is satisfied.
Another part of traveling I like is going around to experience the art the place has to offer. Since art is an important part of my life,
I get excited fulfilling this urge I get when ever I am at somewhere new.
***
Music is something I feel I cannot live with out.
Music is what I listen to everyday from when I wake up to when I fall asleep.
I like all kind of music. I like the way someone that knows me well can tell how I am feeling from the kind of music I am listening to.
Of all the genre of music I like, I love Soul the most.
Basically I like music that has meaning to me,
music that has soul,
music that has live.
Music helps me relax in what ever I want to do.
I also use music as a calming medium when ever I am angry or when ever I am down.
I love music also because it inspires me whenever I need it.

Abstract

2007-12-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Its about a week n 5 day away from my big day and a week and 3days away from my presentation( Architecture ) and boy is it hard to concentrate on that. I am working on the first half of my thesis( am i excited or what ?) I love love love it because i have a chance to do what i love the most. Ok I am designing a "Creativity Art Center" in Baltimore, which would incorporate: Painting, Music, Ceramics, Poetry and traveling (very selfish i would say) but naa really i carried out a survey and the only part in which i cheated was there was a tie between music and dance n you all know i had to pick Music. Why: i simply love music lol naa really thats part of it and also the fact that i wanted something i was interested in all around so as to be able to relate to it in every way and also never get bored of it. So thats how i ended up with the 5 aspect of art in which i wanted in this center.

Creativity?
Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing,
taking risks, breaking rules, making
mistakes, and having fun."
- Mary Lou Cook-

The reason I chose this topic apart from the fact that i love n breath art is i realized that there's a thin line btw being creative and being imaginative. Creativity is the act of turning one's imaginative ideas into reality. An idea with no acting makes one imaginative but not creative. Hence my proposed center is a place to empower non-artist and artist to develop their vision, identify their message and also create and expand their audience. Its simply going to be a home where creativity is allowed to reign and all ideas are welcome.
---wow thats my abstract right there. you see it helps to write lol ---
would keep you posted on how its going .

L-O-V-E

2007-12-04T13:58:00.001-08:00

Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
- Stephen Packer -

Now look what you have done...
A stranger you where once
Then with a gentle look you took my hands.
I let go of my freedom,
All to be locked up in your captivity.
I truely understand and think i have to accept ,
The fact that this could be LOVE ...
-Paradigm-

"The real thing"-Jill Scott

2007-12-04T05:45:00.000-08:00

I am a sucker for good music. To me, good music is one I can listen to all day n still have that excitement in my voice singing along, or just enjoying it.
“The real Thing”-Jill Scott
For those of you that love this lady most agree that she sure did her thing with this album like she always does. I heard the first single “hate on me” n to be 4 real I wasn’t feeling it like I normally do to her songs so I went ahead n got the cd just to make sure she wasn’t going to disappoint me this tyme.
Gosh I hate the fact that I underestimated her. During my drive from the store to my house, I couldn’t go pass three songs. I kept going back trying to listen to every word, sentence and meaning of the song. Let it be, the real thing, and hate on me. Gets you all excited n expectant of what’s yet to come.
Epiphany was one that made me think I was listening to someone else aiight the beat is on point after the calm beats coming from crown royal, she completely blows you with this 2min 33sec piece that keeps you hoping for more. The passion in her voice makes you imagine what exactly she is talking about. You all Jill Scott lovers knows she is big on love, love making n romance. This song definitely was not different. She defiantly makes you feel this sudden insight on what she is singing about.
My love? Perfect placing, right after epiphany.
Insomnia..” why is she always begging for love” – a friend said after I forced her to listen to the cd. Ok really Insomnia was a perfect example, but come on she did that song justice. Her voice makes you feel like its you thinking in your head.
Celibacy Blues!!!! I LOVE JAZZ n that the first thing that came to my mind when I heard this one was Jazz n blues!!!!!. Sounded like one of her poem. (ok if you have not read her poems you need to buy that book ”the moment the minute and the hour” …HOT!!!! Deep!!!!)
All I???? this was defiantly the icing on the cake. The song is so sexual yet sophisticated. She starts off with this questions that puts you in the setting of what’s she’s singing about. She explains her feeling, her thots , her location and her wants all at the same thyme….
Wanna be loved n Breath really takes it home.
Music !!! really what wud i do without good music? iight if i had to write what i really felt about the whole album i guess thats what my whole blog would be about cause its so deep and meaningful, its hard to minimize your explanation...

My Count down !!!!

2007-12-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

Ok its been almost a year since I have last been home( Nigeria) and gosh am I looking fwd to my trip.
I have exactly two weeks from today, a week n four days away from my big presentation!!! (Excited about that also) to be HOME!!!
For some wired reasons, my sister n I chose to go through Germany instead if london like we normally do. And so far i see it as my LAST tyme. After constant procrastination, I finally called in n made an appointment for the visa interview. Now tell me, why did I accept an eight am appointment all the way in DC on a monday morning???? I knew well enough I wasn't going to drive in that traffic, coz my sis would be sleeping and i just dont do traffic. So we decided to take the train for the very first time!!!!!
Ok first thing, we missed the 6 15am train n had to get on the 6 30. Getting in, I was all excited like a kid in the candy store, (in my head I was hoping for some nice views n if not, at least it wud move FAST) well unfortunately it wasn't!!!! Slow as only God knows wot, and views? Oh pls nothing worth staying up for.
So we get to Dc n got a cab( its 7:3o in the morning, n i am still in that " reflecting on me" Zone n God I am not ready for a long ass conversation with anybody !!!! ) Well like the rest of the day, it defiantly wasn't what I was hoping for. The cab driver, literally held a FULL conversation till we got to the embassy n trust me I had that tone in my voice like( I really am not in the mood plsssss) its either I wasn't doing a good job, or he didn't just care coz he kept going. After finding out we where from Nigeria, he had the nerve to say we have been spoiled by "America" ok i was not exactly mad at that statement but it just made me want to go home even More.
We finally get to the embassy on time, Thank God but, the gate was closed n the guy at the gate said we had to wait( in the windy cold open space no sun shinning gate entrance). we finally get in n thats a whole story on its own.
We leave the embassy n we got a more advanced talkative cab driver naa he was worse he was even dramatizng it n all. I was cracking up with my sister n after a while I put on my earphone n was in the world of "the real thing" jill scott was doing her thing like she always does n boy was I relieved .Epiphany sounded like a totally new song listening to it right after the nice but talkative indian driver.
Sitting in the train back to baltimore, all I cud think of was HOME!!! Gosh I miss Nigeria. So what more can I do when all I can think about is my trip home, than to start a count down blog about my trip home???

IF

2007-10-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

If i was a painter,

I would paint a memory
If that's the only way for you to be with me
We would be there together like we used to be
Under the tree, for all to see
I think my brush would take me there.
There is where i want to be.

If i was a painter,
I would paint who i really am
If that's the only way for you to understand me
I would let you know in a simple composition.
I am fragile like a leaf in the autumn, falling without a sound.

If i was a painter,
I would paint the progression,
If that's the only way you can see that every time you say those words,
I put another brick in the foundation.
Soon enough the painting would show you the wall i have built
A wall of ambivalence at the worst and love at best for you .

Unfaithful

2007-07-16T15:43:00.000-07:00

How i know?
Never spending time with what i call my true love
Never putting you on my priority list
Never setting aside time for just us like i always did
Never maintaining the good communication we used to share

These are what makes me feel this way
These are what makes me realize i am being unfaithful
These are what makes me feel so sad,
These are the things i do to hurt my one true love

We had the best time together
We sheared thoughts and secrets i would never tell anyone
We where together when i didn't want anyone around me
We where together cos.....

You helped me in expressing what i feel in the easiest way
You helped me realizing why i feel in love with you in the first place
You helped me in seeing what i got inside
You helped me in being me and loving every bit of that
you helped me to be where i am today

My love for you was all i could think of
My love for you i don't see no more
My love for you i wish i could have back
My love for you was one i could call true love
My love for you I long for each day
My love, can you forgive my unfaithfulness ?
My love, can you be a part of my life like you used to?

You became a part of me,
And I a part of You
Who are you they ask ??
POETRY !!! :

a lil past midnight !!!!

2007-07-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

its 12: 16am and i know i am to be in bed
its 12: 17 am and i am so not passed this one line
its 12:20 am and i just got a text message
its 12: 20am and i am thinking"didn't i say i was going to bed an hr ago??? "

the sad part is .................. i have been waiting on that text message from the time we hung up
the sad part is that text message put a smile on my face
the sad part is i cant control how i feel
the sad part is................... its so unlike miiii

its 12: 23am and i finally get my self to reply you
its 12: 24 am and i am still trying to find the right words
its 12: 25 am and i finally click send
its 12: 26am hold up ............. OH NO not a call

the sad part is i really hate the way you make me feel
the sad part is you actually make me feel normal to others
the sad part is i am not used to this
the sad part is why cant i hide my feeling this tyme?
the sad part is i don't wanna believe i need to open up
the sad part is .................

its 12:38am and you just snapped me out of my thoughts
its 12: 39am and i am still trying to make you realize i was really with you but hold up, that was "in my thots "
its 12: 40am and you finally believe me
its 12:50am and I give an excuse to get off the phone with you
its 12:51am and you wish me good night

the sad part is i really didn't wanna get off the phone
the sad part is i was actually feeling the conversation like i always do
the sad part is now i am hear still thinkin about you
the sad part is i bet you are too coz ............

its 1:00am and i get a text from you saying "thinking about you"
its 1:01am and i am smiling to my self and wondering why the hell i wouldn't give you a chance
its 1:05am and i send you a reply saying" sure we could do lunch tomorrow"
its 1:05am and i am glad i answered the question you asked me at.... 12:42am
its 1:06am and for the first time i am looking fwd to our maybe 5th date
its 1:07am and i am finally realizing maybe you right, .... maybe you are the one

the sad part is .......naa the GOOD thing is i am soooo looking fwd to finding out
the good thing is i feel better not lying to myself about how i feel
the good thing is i am already making up in my head what i wanna wear
the good thing is .....................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

its 8:10am and i jumped up realizing i fell asleep thinking about you
its 9:00am and i am at work wishing it was 1:00pm already
its 9:02am and i am replaying all that happened...."a lil past midnight"

the quote

2007-07-15T17:21:00.000-07:00

aiight we had this program at church yesterday and at the end the teacher used this quote that was HOT!!! i thot it's was worth shearing

"God give me the POWER to change what i can change
GRACE to accept what i can not change and
WISDOM to know the difference between what
i can change and what i can not change"

it really helped in answering a lot of my questions really there are a whole lot of things and people we can not change so i guess the best we can do is accept it for what it is. defiantly need to apply this in a whole lot of aspect in my life that i would blog on later ......

wot is it really???

2007-07-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

.... its been a while since i posted anything and it coz of my present predicament, did i just use that word? well maybe i did thats too big by the way wudnt really say predicament, i would say !!!! state of mind. lol aiight really heres what's going on.
.... she is stuck in btw what she wants and what her heart wants...gosh its soo annoying not knowing what's right for you, How i wish i just could see the end of my book and know what the hell to do.
SHe loves her Pumps, but at the long run, they gonna hurt. They have been nice to her, been thru thick and thin really and them Pumps defiantly knows how to make her look HOTTTer !!!.... and also loved in a funny way. them Pumps have been there and made her feel mad spacial you know, the way it is to be. It took a while , but she got used to them. she can run , play and do whatever in them. She loves the way they lift her up so high and make her feel on top of the world in every aspect. But one day, it downed on her, they wherent just fitting right anymore, they where gonna give her some bas ass ankle pain in the long run, deep down she didn't care but there was also that lil bit of fear of the unknown u know the fear of not knoing what to expect at all. Gosh she wishes that wasn't so. She wishes she could over look the bad part of the pumps, not that there was really something wrong about them, it was just something that was inevitable. she wishes she could love them for the faithful days and for the great memories they had together BUT isnt that settling????? is it? come on i need an answer!!!!
i know its not gonna be that easy or else this world would be one boring sad box but come on cant this be an exception???

...sadly, she places them sexy ass Pumps in a shoe box ...
hoping no one else would wanna come borrow them...
hoping deep down she would not loss them ...
hoping when she wants to wear them again, they wud still feet perfectly .. God she feels so bad hearing that. selfish i wud say but deep down thats how she feels.
hoping and hoping that one day that fear of the unknown would not take the best out of her
hoping that pair of Pumps that makes the world look at her with envy would not up and leave.

still in her world of hopes, she got some sexy ass sandals as a gift. a gift to make her avoid the thoughts of how much she misses her pumps . Shes been resting them pretty feet of hers just so when she is ready to finally pick up the Pumps back or maybe find a better style, she would be ready and take it for what it is.
This pair of sandals has comfort, class and style . you might ask what more does she want? the perfect pair has found her, but its different.
with then pUMPS all she needed to do is slid her feet in but with this new pair she has to be open, bend over and buckle.
BEING OPEN is one thing she's been running away from. she got away with it soo well in the days of the pUMPS but now shes not even giving the chance of day to even avoid that. NOOOO she is so not used to this and its driving her crazy some times she just wants to go in to the shoe box and take out them Pumps that made her feel comfortable in her flaw.
BENDING OVER TO BUCKLE ??? u kidden me? wow she has been sooo used to knowing that was not necessary at all. Fyne it made her see things she never thot she had, made her feel things she has never felt, but
it was really taking her out of her way.
it was really making her put in more effort.
it wasnt what she was used to.
DOES THAT MAKE IT WRONG ?
DOES THAT MAKE IT SECOND CHOICE??
NO deep down she loves the change,
deep down she is tripped by the way the sandals shows her pretty manicured toes
deep down she loves the way the sandals make her sure she is doing the right think
deep down she wishes she could forget about them pumps and enjoy what her new pair of sandals has to offer.
now thats her predicament if you most say...
and her sate of mind is ....allowing them pumps go.
accepting the fact that she wants a change
accepting the fact that she is not willing to just settle for less
accepting the fact that her yesterday love for her pumps was not less but just not enough
accepting the fact that she wants to bend down
accepting the fact that she cant hold on to them pumps just coz she is afraid of being bear foot..
IS THAT IT ? is she afraid of being bear? is she holding on to them just cos?
IS SHE JUST AFRAID TO LET GO ???
wot is it really??? somebody tell her

2007-06-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

........ yesterday was the LONGEST day at work.... gosh it seem like 5pm was years ahead. i love my job don't get me wrong, but its beginning to get in btw me, myself,I and the world. in other words, I DON'T HAVE A LIFE ...

So really i was supposed to be completing the floor plans i was working on but i found my self taking pictures...which i hate doing by the way on a regular day... school is on break but i seem to be more busy than i eva was.

First Step !!!

2007-06-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey y'll..... aiight i am VERy new to this... "my very first BLOG". Been sitting here for over 30min wondering" em what am i going to write" as u can see i could not come up with anything but i just have to have a post... so here it goes..... I guess the hardest part is actually starting so hopefully it flows from here.